+++I could not help...

+++...but post this video. Because it is AMAZING. And the song is, too. Also the band. But hey, it's tool. They are always amazing.

+++I should

+++stop blogging. Whenever I blog, I am in a bad mood and all I do is complain and whine.
I should stop. For a long time at least.

+++No, he doesnt.

+++

+++Kleines Fest im großen Garten

+++So much to tell...

+++Well well, there have been things, that have not been said, stories, that are yet to be told.
For one, I met with my „band“, „Arbitrary Reasoning“ on Friday. I use quotation marks, because they are cool and because at this point we are only three people: Leif (drums), David (Guitar) and me (Vocals, harmonica, stage bitch).
Because Leif lives in Hanover and we planned to practice in his house David and I met at the train station in Burgdorf. He greeted me with the words “do you have some money on you?”.
I opened my wallet and found some pennies, adding up to 2€ and somewhat like 1$, that I still had from America.
“Why?”, I asked.
“Well,” he replied “I just found out that my student card has no value during the holidays. But I have a ticket for one zone, that should bring me to Lehrte.”
So we entered the train, not knowing if those two bucks would be enough to buy him a ticket for the rest of the way (I already had my ticket).
So after a way too short while during which we debated how to solve this problem we arrived in Lehrte. Now, let me say some things about Lehrte. With me and my folks in Burgdorf, Lehrte is only known as “Zombiestadt” - “Zombie town”, because only the most rotten and fucked up people enter or leave the train there. Plus the train station is absolutely rotten itself. So is the entire town. And there is nothing that would give someone an excuse to live there. Just like Britain.
Anyhow, we left the train and went down the stairs, looking for a ticket vending machine. Confusing signs with only pictures but no words on them mislead us around a little so we ended up at a counter of the Deutsche Bahn (the federal train company), waiting 15 minutes on a women to get done with her business, because she was talking to the guy on the counter about how she always wanted to go to Budapest and was now able to because of the ticket she just purchased. Yeah. Uhuh. Whatever.
Anyhow, David got impatient (our train left some time while we were standing there) and began wandering around. He came back to me and told me, that he found a ticket vending machine somewhere in the tunnels under the train station. So we walked down there and entered “Hanover Karl-Wiechert-Allee”, which was our final destination.
It said 3.30€. We said: “crap”.
Well then we just bought a ticket for one zone, for 2€. But the machine did not take the 1 and 2 cent coins, which brought us to the situation, that we were 5 cents short and had to ask some random guy who walked by for 5 cents, offering him an American quarter dollar.
Well he gave us the 5 cents, we took the ticket and walked upstairs to the train station again and got the stamping machine to stamp the ticket. Unfortunately the zone ends right after Lehrte. So the ticket was absolutely worthless for us. In fear of controllers David just hid in the bathroom and I watched his guitar and his amp.
Yeah. What a magical freaking tale.
The Saturday following was not any less interesting. My drama group had a summer fest (last year I was there with Scott and Smeagol and Amelia). So we met for BBQ, but before that we were going to go on a guided tour through Burgdorf with an actor who played Wicken-Thies, a historical person from my hometown.
He was a foreteller and into all kinds of esoteric stuff. For example he saw the great fires coming. And they did. And he got beaten up for it, of course. Or he knew, that some day there would be cars without horses, moving on an incredible speed over the main street. He was right. Today, there are cars. Also he said, that only those, who could afford it would be able to ride them. With todays gas prices, even that was right.
Anyhow, later the BBQ started and of course the drinking started as well. Oliver, a nice guy in his... uhm... I think his forties always handed me a beer, when mine was empty. And he always did it with a smiling face, nodding at me. “Drink”, he said.
My tongue got loose and I began talking a lot, especially about Wacken, which I am going to attend soon. That was a bad idea. Because then I couldnt just say “hey, I dont wanna drink anymore”, because everyone said stuff like “well you survived Wacken, then you gotta be able to drink some more!”.
It was awful. I ended up back home, drunk as hell, lying on the grass, watching the stars, listening to Pink Floyd and Alice Cooper. Woah.
Well the next morning I got kicked out of bed at 7, which I disliked. We drove up north to my grandma, which I disliked even more, because I am usually not good with old people (neither am I good with very young people, must be because of their similarities) and because I don't like sleeping in the car. Also I had the feeling that I didn't shower for a week or so. Something always kept me from it and if it is just the fact, that I have to sit to wash my hair.
Grandma was in a real good condition, at least in my eyes and it was fun to talk to her and listen to the stories she makes up. The only thing that really was unpleasent were my parents, who couldnt just play and let it go. I mean, she is demented. She does not understand much anymore, so you just got to let her go. It reminded me a lot of Chief Bromden in “One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest”.
After that we drove to her house (she lives in an Old folks home, just about two or three miles from her house away) and threw out a lot of the furniture because we wanted to offer one of the rooms for rent, which was impossible with all that 50's crap in there.

Yeah, that's about it.

+++Things not to combine with...

+++ALCOHOL:
-razors
-sharp objects in general
-computers with Internet connection
-relationship problems
-frustration in general
-the lack of body hygiene and the will to change that
-nail polish
-serious discussions.

To be continued.

+++only Alice Cooper understands me!

+++Alice Cooper - Is anyone home?

Talking in my sleep, next to no one
Never never, say never again
I can't rise and shine
No I won't even try
My rainy windows are crying crying
Shoulda Woulda Coulda been
Like it shoulda been
A contender like Marlon Brando
Eani Meani Minei Mo
Caught a virus won't let go
Been down so long it looks like up to me

I'm so lonely, I can almost taste it
In a perfect world, I'd just be wasted
Send me an angel, wrap me in her wings
Hello, Hello, Hello.
Is anyone home?

Well, people love to talk
When I can hardly walk
To them I'm probably just the "News at Eleven"
It's the edge of night
As the world turns
Misunderstood it's just the wrong medication
I wish, I wish, upon a star
I wish it hadn't gone this far
Been up so long it looks like down to me

I'm so lonely, I can almost taste it
In a perfect world, I'd just be wasted
Send me an angel, wrap me in her wings
Hello, Hello, Hello.
Is anyone home?
Hello, Hello.
I'm really really wasted

I live in a big doll house
And nobody's home
Just me and my mouse
I live in a big dark house
And nobody's home
Just me and my mouse

I'm so lonely, I can almost taste it
In a perfect world, I'd just be wasted
Send an angel, my own little angel
Hello, Hello.
Is anyone home?

Is anyone home?
Hello, Hello
Is anyone home?
Hello, Hello, Hello
Is anyone home?
Hello, Hello
Is anyone home?
Hello, Hello, Hello
Is anyone home?
Hello, Hello, Hello
Is anyone home?
Hello, Hello, Hello
Is anyone home?

+++Nailbunny Talk

+++I need a bunny. And a nail. And a nice big amount of schizophrenia would help now, too. I don't know what's worse, that I can not sleep... again, or that Amelia and I are in what she calls a "break" in our relationship. Just two letters away from a break up.
My evil voices call it the final solution.
Maybe the worst thing is, that this town begins to seriously piss me off. It smells like moist cow poo and between 10pm and 6am there is absolutely nothing going on. I mean like nothing. Except for those few parties, that are only fun if you're drunk.
Which is not so much fun for me. Not at all.

+++Ich brauche einen Hasen. Und einen Nagel. Und übelste Schizophrenie würde jetzt auch helfen. Ich weiß nicht, was schlimmer ist, dass ich mal wieder nicht schlafen kann, oder dass Amelia und ich in einer von ihr "Beziehungspause" betitelten Phase sind. Ich kenne kein Päärchen, dass nach einer Pause wieder glücklich waren.
Meine bösen Stimmen nennen es nur die Endlösung.
Vielleicht ist aber auch das schlimmste, dass diese Stadt mich einfach nur noch ankotzt. Es riecht wie feuchter Kuhmist und zwischen 22 Uhr und 6 Uhr ist nichts los. Ich meine nichts. Aber auch gar nichts. Ausgenommen sind diese paar partys, die nur lustig sind, wenn man schon genug getrunken hat. Was ich nicht lustig finde. Absolut nicht.

This was it and nothing more.

+++Initiative

+++What conveniance! I found a headline that is German and English at the same time.
So yeah, I am back home. For some days now. Things have happened in a way and speed, that it will take me some time to digest this week. Geez, if it goes on like this...
For example on sunday I got back together with Amelia. It was just as weird and as romantic as the first time we got together even though it is different this time. Both of us had more or less successful relationships in between, bringing me in a situation where I feel inferior, because of my pathetic lack of experience compared to her. This time didn't do any good to her, she began smoking, lost a lot of weight... did it change me at all? Am I the same guy, still giving everything?
Do I still WANT to give all I got to make this work?
There is something, that bothers me, but I can't put the finger on it. Like a splinter in my gums, painfull, annoying, but I just can't get it out.

Furthermore, I have been preparing myself for everything that comes next. School, work, everything. Of course, you can never be prepared for life. But I at least wanted to give it a shot.

+++Wie schön es doch ist, dass ich eine Überschrift finden konnte, die sowohl deutsch als auch englisch ist.
Tja, ich bin wieder zuhause. Und das auch schon für ein paar Tage. Ein paar Dinge sind mittlerweile passiert, auf einer Art und in einer Geschwindigkeit, dass es mich eine Weile brauchen wird, diese Woche zu verdauen. Oh mann, wenn das so weiter geht...
Zum Beispiel bin ich seit Sonntag wieder mit Amelia zusammen. Es war genau so merkwürdig und romantisch wie beim ersten Mal, als wir zusammen gekommen sind, auch wenn es diesmal ganz anders ist. Wir hatten beide mehr oder weniger erfolgreiche Beziehungen in der Zwischenzeit, was mich in eine Situation bringt, in der ich mich ihr gegenüber unterlegen fühle, weil sie einfach diesen Krassen Erfahrungsvorsprung hat. Diese Zeit hat ihr nicht gut getan, sie hat das Rauchen angefangen, hat jede Menge Gewicht verloren... hat es mich denn überhaupt verändert? Bin ich immernoch der selbe Typ, gebe ich immer noch alles? Werde ich immer noch alles tun, damit das funktioniert? WILL ich das überhaupt noch?
Irgendetwas stört mich, aber ich kann nicht genau sagen, was. Wie ein Splitter in meinem Zahnfleisch, schmerzhaft, nervend, aber ich kriege ihn einfach nicht heraus.

Desweiteren versuche ich mich weitestgehend auf alles, was jetzt kommt vor zu bereiten. Schule, Arbeit, alles. Natürlich kann man sich nicht aufs Leben vorbereiten. Aber ich wollte es wenigstens versuchen.

This was it and nothing more.