+++Things not to combine with...

+++ALCOHOL:
-razors
-sharp objects in general
-computers with Internet connection
-relationship problems
-frustration in general
-the lack of body hygiene and the will to change that
-nail polish
-serious discussions.

To be continued.

+++only Alice Cooper understands me!

+++Alice Cooper - Is anyone home?

Talking in my sleep, next to no one
Never never, say never again
I can't rise and shine
No I won't even try
My rainy windows are crying crying
Shoulda Woulda Coulda been
Like it shoulda been
A contender like Marlon Brando
Eani Meani Minei Mo
Caught a virus won't let go
Been down so long it looks like up to me

I'm so lonely, I can almost taste it
In a perfect world, I'd just be wasted
Send me an angel, wrap me in her wings
Hello, Hello, Hello.
Is anyone home?

Well, people love to talk
When I can hardly walk
To them I'm probably just the "News at Eleven"
It's the edge of night
As the world turns
Misunderstood it's just the wrong medication
I wish, I wish, upon a star
I wish it hadn't gone this far
Been up so long it looks like down to me

I'm so lonely, I can almost taste it
In a perfect world, I'd just be wasted
Send me an angel, wrap me in her wings
Hello, Hello, Hello.
Is anyone home?
Hello, Hello.
I'm really really wasted

I live in a big doll house
And nobody's home
Just me and my mouse
I live in a big dark house
And nobody's home
Just me and my mouse

I'm so lonely, I can almost taste it
In a perfect world, I'd just be wasted
Send an angel, my own little angel
Hello, Hello.
Is anyone home?

Is anyone home?
Hello, Hello
Is anyone home?
Hello, Hello, Hello
Is anyone home?
Hello, Hello
Is anyone home?
Hello, Hello, Hello
Is anyone home?
Hello, Hello, Hello
Is anyone home?
Hello, Hello, Hello
Is anyone home?

+++It's not like I am leaving or anything...

+++... wait. Yes, it is!
Hey, that's funny. You know, today is my birthday? You didn't? Doesn't matter. It's only my 18th, only the date that I turn into an official adult. But who gives a shit, right?

I invited a bunch of people to see me at applebee's and a big deal of em replied, that they would come. Matthew was the only one. Thanks, fuckers, for telling me so directly that I am not worth shit to you.
Well, at least I don't have to bother missing anyone.
Funny how people beg me, never to forget them. Okay, can do. But in that case I also wont forgive. Hypocrites.

That was it and nothing more
Nevermore.

+++Arbitrary Reasoning

+++Today I made a mistake. A very bad one. I argued with two boys, who are about to join the army, to "defend their country" about the justification of the Iraq war and about the possibility, that 9/11 could have been an inside job.
Never, Never EVER do that, when you are in America. Blind, ignorant fanatics.

This brought me to some solutions.
First of all: there is no truth. There are circumstances, wrapped in words, that can mean anything at any time, regarding rethorics, lies and personal interpretation.
Basically no one ever tells the truth but no one ever lies, because in the end words are nothing but a vibration of air molecules caused by your throat. Lies are a matter of definition and so is truth.
All that matters is the meaning, but as I stated earlier, no one but the speaking person can really tell the true meaning. Everything else is interpretation.

Second of all: There is no reasoning in mankind.
Arbitrary reasoning, decisions, made up from things we heard from... someone. Somewhere. Reliable sources, you know? That one guy told me. Forgot his name. His face. His words.
Religious people take a book and justify things with it that it never said and ignore parts it DID say because they are inconveniant. In the end it is not a reliable source, right? It's written by men. But it's god's word, right?
Basing god on the bible and the bible on god but still not believing it fully and not taking it literary makes it unreliable and therefore unbelievable. Hypocrites.
Religion is not a flea market. You want a little more of this? Yes, of course, but without rules, please.
Leave the onions out.
But to get back to my poitn: there is no reasoning in mankind. We are animals. Nothing but animals.
Eat, drink, fuck, shit, sleep, repeat. Every generation says, that the following one is worse than the one before, just because they recognize their own childhood in the new generation.
Shit, someone is doing the same mistakes. Let us pretend we never did that and tell them, how awful they are for doing this.
Bunch of crap.

Third of all: This generation should be the last. Let's just sterilize every single one of us. Don't make any exceptions.
We're screwed anyways, so why bother having children anyways? More fun, more sex, more food, more drugs, more rock'n'roll. In your face, today with money back guarantee!
This generation is not even responsible enough for EVER having children. Still they breed like rabbits, because of their lack of responsibility.
Wait, let me take back what I said about how the last generation always hates the next one. This time it is allright. This generation sucks. A lot.

Fourth of all: There never was an age of reasoning. Otherwise there would be no religion today anymore or the existence of some sort of god would have been proven by now.
Yeah, we can identify the genes of a women now. Hooray. We can go to moon and mars. Big deal.
But still when someone sees a meteor falling from the sky they freak out and say it's god or a UFO or some other crap like that.
Religion is opiate for the people, something to hold on to because we ourselves feel too weak and to small to archieve things on our own.
Atheists still don't get struck by lightning, can live a happy life. Funny thing.
But I am not demonizing religion. Actually really not.
Why not? Well if it wasnt for religion this species would have already completly died out.
Why? Well I mentioned it earlier.

By the way, the next band I join shall be called "Arbitrary Resoning". Because it sounds cool and has a very nifty meaning to it.
Greetings
Me.

+++MANstruation

+++Today I am MANstruating. You ask me, how is that possible for me, as a man. Well it is just my special day of the month were I am just pissed for no reason, have a huge headache and don't want to do anything. Well at least I am not bleeding or have pain elsewhere.
Anyhow I am also really tired for a week now or so.
Plus I begin to have nightmares again. Not like waking up screaming, but more like "woah, that was... odd!".
For example I dream alot of being naked and unable to dress.
Or I dream of water, flooding water, taking everything with it, of winds so cold and hard that they blow off the flesh and skin of everyone's skeleton.
Today everything is gray, everything is distant. Even the weather seems to be unwilling to do anything, some raindrops fall and the sun is hidden behind thin clouds. You can see it, and you can look directly at it but it doesnt burn you. It looks so surreal.
It is in moments like now, when I am really tired that I realize most about my environment but I am absolutely incapable of interacting with it.
All those little details... or maybe it is just that I can not remember noticing something and all that remains is the feeling of "hey, I noticed that".
Some time ago I used to enjoy being tired or I more didn't care.
Today I hate beeing tired. Especially today. I can't tell dreams from memories anymore. I don't know, what really happened, especially since so many memories seem so totally unrelated to my life. Did anything ever exist?
Does anything exist outside of the house I am sitting in all day now?
Does anything exist?
I dont know.
Im gonna go now again, until I remember what I wanted to say. Im gonna put up a webcomic I made.
So far
Me.

+++Why the hell am I doing this in the first place?

+++I have to be creative in order to keep every day an adventure.
Today I have put a lot of effort into it and I must say: I was quite successful.
My day began about 6 or something by waking up out of a dream. I dreamt I had a seizure. For some reason my reaction was to get up and unplug my alarm clock. Yeah. Right. Anyhow, I had a huge headache when I woke up again (which probably caused the dream) around... 9? Yeah. Must have been 9.
The dog was outside. Barking. Bark bark. Yeah. Stupid dog. Whatever, If he wouldnt have been there I would have woken up later. Which would have lead to me being late for Baseball practice.
So I threw in some food... Uhm... a sammich and... hmm... something else. And tea. Tea is good.
Yeah. After that I put on my boots and my light, brown jacket, since the sun was shining and it was going to be warm. So I thought.
I could not have been more mistaken.
Keith drove me there and I had only 3 minutes for running into the gym, going to the locker room, dressing up and getting out. So I forgot my sweat-jacket in my locker. Great job, Conny, way to go!
Practice was great. I dont miss any balls anymore and my throwing technique is by now almost perfect - regarding accuracy.
Well, as perfect as it gets. Im not a professional yet, I could not hit a pop can from 50 Meters.
Anyhow, at some point we went outside to train the long balls that go far into the field. Who hasnt got his jacket? That's right, it's me!
The sun apparently decided to disappear behind a layer of gray clouds and first snow flakes fell from the sky.
Crap.
"Next exercise: You lie on the ground and when I say 'go' you run and get the ball!".
Lying on the still partly frozen and muddy ground is not vacation. Running after being cold is neither.
One out of 10 actually managed it to catch the ball.
Brr. So we went back, Coach talked to us. Were gonna have pitching-practice on tuesday. Before school. Why before school? Because we have a game after school.
Yeah. Allright.
Anyhow, I wanted to go and see Alyssa after practice and since Margaret and Keith couldnt drive me I had to take the bus.
Lemme tell you: there are some weird people on there.
And riding the bus is seriously complicated.
There are no plans that are actually accurate, no time-schedules on the stops... I can really understand why no one likes the bus. Its so ghetto, all those screens in there that go off every time the bus goes over a bump, all those rotten people in there...
geez.
Well the time at Alyssa's place was fun, I met three new people but forgot their names. Her family is as weird as she is (she is definitely the most interesting person I met over here so far)
and we really had a good time. Yeah. Gonna do that again some time, maybe.
Because the way back sucked ass.
It was snowing horribly. Everything was gray and cold and wet and cold.
I waited forty minutes for my bus. THe second one I had to take just didnt come so i decided to go into subway and eat a foot-long.
Yeah. Margaret picked me up there.
I was home two hours later than i intended.
Geez.
Greetings
Me.

+++Kommunikationsprobleme

+++Nachdem ich mich für den Springfling dance vorbereitete, oder eher: danach.
ÜScriptorÜ [6:13 PM]:
yaaay
ÜScriptorÜ [6:13 PM]:
im ready and dressed :)
Messedupgothics [6:14 PM]:
playing my guitar now
Messedupgothics [6:14 PM]:
not even dressed
ÜScriptorÜ [6:14 PM]:
your playing your guitar naked?

+++Wuselnde, lärmende Horde

+++Song des Tages:
Sober von Tool



Theres a shadow just behind me. shrouding every step I take.
Making every promise empty. pointing every finger at me.
Waiting like a stalking butler, who upon the finger rests.
Murder now the path of must we, just because the son has come.

Jesus, wont you fucking whistle. something but the past and done.

Why cant we not be sober? I just want to start this over.
Why cant we drink forever? I just want to start this over.

I am just a worthless liar. I am just an imbecile.
I will only complicate you. trust in me and fall as well.
I will find a center in you. I will chew it up and leave.
I will work to elevate you, just enough to bring you down.

Mother mary, wont you whisper. something but the past is done.

Why cant we not be sober? I just want to start this over.
Why cant we sleep forever? I just want to start this over.

I am just a worthless liar. I am just an imbecile.
I will only complicate you. trust in me and fall as well.
I will find a center in you. I will chew it up and leave.
Trust me. trust me. trust me. trust me. trust me.

Why cant we not be sober. I just want to start things over.
Why cant we sleep forever. I just want to start this over.

I want what I want...
I want what I want...
I want what I want...
I want what I want...

Hat nix mit der momentanen Situation zu tun, ist aber n geiler Song. Daher das.
Weiter? Ja. Das Zeitungsprojekt läuft. Es ist hart, weil ich all diese wuselnden, lärmenden, kreischenden, keifenden und undisziplinierten durchschnitts-Highschooler mit einer Einstellung a la "Ich bin eh zu gut dafür und ob mein Verhalten andere beeinflusst ist mir egal".
Also prinzipiell nix, was man ja nicht von der BuSS redaktion kennt, wobei ich mich da nie so sehr verantwortlich gefühlt hatte, es nur immer schade fand, dass das ganze so zum erliegen kam.
Egal, dies soll hier nicht mein Thema sein.
Kunst ist momentan auch genial: wir machen Drahtmännchen die später mit Pappmaschee verkleidet werden, quasi das, worauf ich mich immer gefreut habe.
Und irgendwann kann ich dann auch Tool Videos machen.
Mr. Willkommen lobt mich auch für meine schreiberliche Tätigkeit für die Schülerzeitung, großartiger stuff.

Wie sieht mein Wochenende aus?
Freitag war eigentlich große Herr Der Ringe-Nacht geplant, weil es tatsächlich menschen gibt, die die Filme noch nicht kennen.
Da aber die hauptsächlich interessante Person keine Zeit hat wirds eben alles auf Sonntag verschoben und Freitag wird wohl der Chris mal wieder vorbei schauen.
"He is a chocolate face, is funny, nice!", wie Jason so schön Borat zitiert.

Naja soweit denn.
Das wars auch schon wieder.
Mir gehts wider Erwarten verdammt gut!
Grüße
Ich

+++Best Buy Expedition

+++Warum man sich mit Wisconsener Wintern nicht anlegen sollte.

Ich hatte gestern eine tolle Idee. Ich dachte mir, ich kaufe mir neue Kopfhörer, da ich einen doch recht hohen Verschleiß habe. Best Buy, der lokale Elektronikdiscounter ist ja schließlich auch nur 2 Blocks weit weg und ich habe schließlich Pullover, langärmlige Shirts, rote Superstulpen, warme Unterhemden, lange Unterwäsche, dicke Jeans, Kniestrümpfe, Woll-Übersocken, Stiefel, Parka, Schal, Kaputze, Mütze und Handschuhe. So ein bisschen Schnee draußen sollte da nicht schaden.
Ich hätte nicht weiter daneben liegen können.
Wir haben kein Außenthermometer direkt am Haus. Hätten wir eins, hätte ich gesehen, dass wir -16 Grad FAHRENHEIT (-26 Celsius) hatten.

Gefühlte 100 Meter:
Die Ausgeatmete Luftfeuchtigkeit hat sich auf meinem Kinnbart festgesetzt und ist dort sofort gefrohren. Es knistert jetzt immer, wenn ich meinen Mund bewege.

200 Meter:
Mein Kinn ist taub, ebenso meine Wangen und Augenbrauen. Ich hatte nie gedacht, dass ich so viel Gefühl in meinen einzelnen Gesichtsbereichen hatte. Man merkt die guten Dinge erst, wenn sie weg sind.

300 Meter:
Schnee ist in meinen rechten Schuh eingedrungen. Am Zeh. Wie auch immer das passiert ist.
Kurze Sekunden später ist jedes Gefühl im großen Zeh weg und es scheint, als wäre er zum gesamten Volumen des Stiefels angeschwollen.

400 Meter:
Der Schnee ist geschmolzen und ich kann den Zeh wieder spüren, dafür habe ich jetzt Eis im Hacken und das Bein schmerzt bis hoch zum Knie.
A pro pro Knie: Die Schneehöhe hat sich drastig bis zu eben jenem erhöht, weil es an der Straße keinen richtigen BÜrgersteig gibt, nur einen Trampelpfad auf den die Bulldozer den gesamten Schnee geschippt haben.

Noch etwa 100 Meter bis Best Buy:
Ich fühle mich, als würde ich nur eine Badehose und ein T-Shirt tragen, der Wind zieht durch jede Kleidungsschicht.

Ich habe es geschafft. Ich habe vielleicht 2 Minuten gebraucht für den ganzen Kauf, jedoch 2 Stunden für den Weg hin und zurück zusammen.
Hui.
Das mache ich so schnell nicht wieder.


Heute waren die letzten Zwei Examen, 2. und 6. Stunde. Mr. Hamilton hat wohl irgendwann entschieden, uns nicht zu prüfen, ich wusste das aber nicht. 6. Stunde ist meine Lunch hour, ergo also auch nix.
Da Keith uns aber nicht vor 10:10 abholen wollte, habe ich also 1,4 Stunden oder so in der Kafete verbracht und mich auf die Heizung gelegt. War schon nett, so ganz alleine, mit Knocking on Heavens door durch die neuen Kopfhörer... aus dem Fenster schauen.
Hmmm. Schnee. Nach oben schauen. Hmmm. Blauer Himmel, kahler Baum... Küchenausdünstungen, die durch die kahlen Äste ziehen. Doch wast ist das? Knospen? Ja, Knospen! Frühling ist unaufhaltbar! HAH!

Was gibts noch? Jason hat ein Date und ich finde es einfach mal SUPERNIEDLICH. Schade eigentlich, dass er nur so halbherzig bei der Sache ist, wie bei allem, was er macht... wie auch immer. Ich fühle mich wie ein Tierfilmer.
"... hier sehen wir den Homo-Sapiens-americanis bei der Balz. Scheinbar haben wir ein recht träges männchen erwischt, aber das wird von dem scheinbar läufigen Weibchen großzügig ignoriert, denn sie umschwärmt ihn und verteidigt ihn gegen alle anderen Weibchen.
Sie macht durch Myspace-Profilnachrichten klar: dieser ist meiner, Finger weg."

Mjoap.
mfg
Ich