Donnerstag, 27. März 2008

+++Why the hell am I doing this in the first place?

+++I have to be creative in order to keep every day an adventure.
Today I have put a lot of effort into it and I must say: I was quite successful.
My day began about 6 or something by waking up out of a dream. I dreamt I had a seizure. For some reason my reaction was to get up and unplug my alarm clock. Yeah. Right. Anyhow, I had a huge headache when I woke up again (which probably caused the dream) around... 9? Yeah. Must have been 9.
The dog was outside. Barking. Bark bark. Yeah. Stupid dog. Whatever, If he wouldnt have been there I would have woken up later. Which would have lead to me being late for Baseball practice.
So I threw in some food... Uhm... a sammich and... hmm... something else. And tea. Tea is good.
Yeah. After that I put on my boots and my light, brown jacket, since the sun was shining and it was going to be warm. So I thought.
I could not have been more mistaken.
Keith drove me there and I had only 3 minutes for running into the gym, going to the locker room, dressing up and getting out. So I forgot my sweat-jacket in my locker. Great job, Conny, way to go!
Practice was great. I dont miss any balls anymore and my throwing technique is by now almost perfect - regarding accuracy.
Well, as perfect as it gets. Im not a professional yet, I could not hit a pop can from 50 Meters.
Anyhow, at some point we went outside to train the long balls that go far into the field. Who hasnt got his jacket? That's right, it's me!
The sun apparently decided to disappear behind a layer of gray clouds and first snow flakes fell from the sky.
"Next exercise: You lie on the ground and when I say 'go' you run and get the ball!".
Lying on the still partly frozen and muddy ground is not vacation. Running after being cold is neither.
One out of 10 actually managed it to catch the ball.
Brr. So we went back, Coach talked to us. Were gonna have pitching-practice on tuesday. Before school. Why before school? Because we have a game after school.
Yeah. Allright.
Anyhow, I wanted to go and see Alyssa after practice and since Margaret and Keith couldnt drive me I had to take the bus.
Lemme tell you: there are some weird people on there.
And riding the bus is seriously complicated.
There are no plans that are actually accurate, no time-schedules on the stops... I can really understand why no one likes the bus. Its so ghetto, all those screens in there that go off every time the bus goes over a bump, all those rotten people in there...
Well the time at Alyssa's place was fun, I met three new people but forgot their names. Her family is as weird as she is (she is definitely the most interesting person I met over here so far)
and we really had a good time. Yeah. Gonna do that again some time, maybe.
Because the way back sucked ass.
It was snowing horribly. Everything was gray and cold and wet and cold.
I waited forty minutes for my bus. THe second one I had to take just didnt come so i decided to go into subway and eat a foot-long.
Yeah. Margaret picked me up there.
I was home two hours later than i intended.

Dienstag, 25. März 2008

+++Month of the shoes

+++So yesterday I was out with Jason and Kara because it was Kara's birthday, ergo we went to applebees. That is a pretty mean place, they always make it seem so delicious in the commercials but then it tastes like crap. Whatever.
And since we were at the mall anyways we went inside and I bought a pair of CHUCK TAYLOR shoos. For 35 Dollars. In Europe I'd pay 70 Euros. I feel great.
And its the second pair of foot wear I bought this month, the first one were my boots.

Today I went to Body Worlds. I never thought I'd do that, but since Margaret invited me I went.
It was not really educational. I mean yeah, I got some information out of it, but I knew most of it and it did not like bring a real new perspective to anything.
Not really.
And some stuff was just unnecessary.
Plus Gunther von Hagens has a hillarious German accent. That was just way to funny.

Sonntag, 23. März 2008


+++Yeah. Pointless headlines for the win.
Pointless is a good word. My life is pointless right now and I mean in to ways: I have nothing to do and there is no punctuation.
Thats about it.
Talk nerdy to me baby.
Let's perform a 360 degree angle, you are the terminal side.
I am like pie, most calculators dont show much of me because I am too darn long. Actually infinite.

Wanna connect?
Sure, got firewall?
Yeah, don't want a virus.

I have break now.
Meaning I am practicing anything. Like running. Or just patience. Or playing Warcraft.

Freitag, 21. März 2008

+++Hot Fuzz and cold snow

+++Yeah. Today I saw "Hot Fuzz". It's made by the same guys who made "Shaun of the dead" and you can see that in the way the camera is used. It is really awesome, brutal, funny and really a good job. Even though it is SUPER-bloody. But whatever, doesent bother me anyways.
Today we got 9 inches of snow. NINE INCHES. Dangit! And I thought we had spring. Whatever.

Dienstag, 18. März 2008


+++I survived the first day of practice and I have to say: I am not as bad as I thought.
Actually its not hard, not at all. I just need to practice sprinting a little.
But now I feel dead and alive at the same time.
I still have that huge bruise on my left arm in the shape of a baseball. Sweet souvenir!
Thats about it, folks!

Sonntag, 16. März 2008

+++green Day

+++I just now recieved a spam mail, stating that "Your giant jang will rule the world!".
Just wanted to tell you that. I will rule! Or more, parts of me will...

Anyhow, today was my first Baseball practice. It was quite scary and I dont know whether it was more me or the real circumstances. Yeah. It could be that the impression of that sweat-smell and the wooden benches that are so heavily soaked in body liquids that they come out when you squeeze them just bring up pictures in me of people like Benedikt S. spitting cookiecrumbs in my face or laughing at me for failing...
Or maybe it is just the scary irish coach. He reminded me a little of the drill sarge from Full Metal Jacket.
"I AM HARD BUT I AM FAIR!"... yeah.
Oh by the way, today was St. Patrick's day, so everybody was dressed in green and we drank green stuff.
Anyhow, sport is weird. I can understand how athletes have no time for some things, because they have practice every day. Well of course they dont have practice EVERY day, some days are games.
But oh well, I am going to try it. Or as the poster in Mr. Peck's room says "Do or Do not, there is no 'try'".
So I am going to do it.
So far I dont have much of a clue about baseball. But this is also a matter of time.

Samstag, 15. März 2008

+++Oh well...

+++Yeah, here you go with a video of "BLACKCAT SYNDICATE"'s first band practice.

NIce stuff and we almost finished the first song. Yeah, I am that dude at the keyboard.
Yeah, my hair got pretty long by now and I am really proud of that.
It's probably been a long while since any one of you saw me in motion and I apologize that you can not really see my face.

Now, last night I was just looking up the wikipedia article about tool and found out that their singer had a side project, called "A perfect Circle". And I have to say: they rule! They are almost better than tool, which is right now my favorite band since I have the Undertow album.
Some nice stuff I must say.
Anyhow, while I was listening to that I had one of my EMO moments (oh, did you know by the way that there were EMO drags in Mexico? Metal and Rock fans were randomly beating up Emos... uuuh, that makes some angry blog entries :D :D)
as I was saying, I had one of my weird moments. And I had those two lines saying "She was right and I was wrong/ and I have been all along" popping into my head.
So I made it into a poem, there you go:

Oh well

She was right and I was wrong
and I have been all along
but now that she is forever gone
I have to admit that I'm alone.

Its gonna take a while to heal out
It will make me cry and shout so loud
but in the end I will be proud.

It was not a grenade exploding next to me
more like acid dissolving the "we".
I wonder what the next step might be.

Sitting alone in the dark with paper and pen
I know it will be over, its just all about the "when".
Closing my eyes, turn up the volume, turn all Zen.

Take me, oh sweet gray rain
take me, my friend, my pain
take the rest that I still have
take all that I never gave.

Yes, I know very symbolic and yes I know what that poem that just came out of that dark nowhere in the middle of my head is about. Hell yeah, I know what that means.
We all do, or you should if you know me for longer than a year.
But this time I know what I am going to go through, and I think I am prepared. Well, okay, I said I was prepared for everything when I entered the plane August 23rd.
And let me tell you my friends, hope dies last.
Uhm... well... yeah. Somewhat.
V for Vendetta is not always quotable.

Dangit, I almost forgot: I had my first open MIC time! I was presenting poems I wrote in front of the school...
gotta find it... it was awesome... just hold on a sec, I gotta go to my room and find it...

...ah yeah, I have it now. I had the idea for it while washing dishes the night before the Mic-Time and I wrote it on the school bus. I forgot it on the bus but fortunately I memorized it while writing. Human brains are amazing! *uuuungh... braaaaains*

Human Behavior

This may offend you or make you mad
but let me tell you what Sigmund Freud once said.
He once found out that almost all we say or do
is determined by our sexual drive
not only the animals in the zoo
not only husband and wife
but every single one of us
is guilty of a "sin" called "lust".

Most people dont want to know
and say their behavior would not show
that this simple fact is true.
Let me tell you: they have no clue!

They live and deny the truth to it
and to silence their inner demons they buy a bunch of sh...
iny things!
And then they wonder why they're out of luck
while all they had to do is F...
ind a partner
and live happily ever after!

The audience laughed, cheered and clapped and Mrs Loosen was pale as a ghost, because she thought I was about to say the real words. Oups.
And yeah, while others were performing I wrote another one that popped into my mind.

Friends of mine

These guys there are friends of mine
I enjoy their presence like warm sunshine
One for all and all for one
remember me, when I am gone

I have no cancer, no fatal illness
but in my heart is a fatal will-mess
All for one and one for all
You are there, when I tumble and fall.

Even though I'll leave you behind
believe me, you'll stay in my mind
I for you and you for me
more than memory you will be.

Home awaits, my bags are packed
socks in my pockets and jeans are stacked
I stand and wave you one more time
you, the people I call friends of mine
You for me and me for you
Hope you'll feel the same after I flew.

So thats it for now, thought I owed you guys a longer entry or smthn.

Donnerstag, 13. März 2008


+++Soo, allright, now Im gonna start and blog in English now. Why, you ask?
Well my boundaries back home become weaker and weaker and therefore it becomes harder and harder for me to form German sentences.
So, whats cracking?
Not very much actually. Now I am part of the Baseball team at MSL and I am really looking forward to practice without being pushed to it, well I hope my self-discipline is enough by now.
Spring fling is over and was a major dissapointment. Despite my expectations it would be as cool as Homecoming the music was just crap.
So I spend most time sitting at the side, talking to people. But hey, that way I made couple of new friends.
This weekend plans are band practice (I am no longer the Bass player but now the keyboard player) and Chris will eventually come over.
Also spring is coming and the weather is getting better and better.

Freitag, 7. März 2008


+++Nachdem ich mich für den Springfling dance vorbereitete, oder eher: danach.
ÜScriptorÜ [6:13 PM]:
ÜScriptorÜ [6:13 PM]:
im ready and dressed :)
Messedupgothics [6:14 PM]:
playing my guitar now
Messedupgothics [6:14 PM]:
not even dressed
ÜScriptorÜ [6:14 PM]:
your playing your guitar naked?

Montag, 3. März 2008


+++Es verändert sich. Es ist wieder einer der Momente, wo ich mitbekomme, dass sich so viel verändert. Zuhause, hier, um mich herum. Aber vor allem: in mir.
Nein, aus mir wird kein Chestburster heraus brechen und alle um mich herum auffressen, mein Gesicht wurde ja schließlich auch nicht vergewaltigt.
Aber was ist es, das mich darauf aufmerksam macht, dass ich nicht mehr der selbe bin?
Es ist eine Kette von Ereignissen, die irgendwie mehr als 25 Jahre vor heute startete, meine Geburt bewirkte und vor wenigen Tagen gefeiert wurde.
Ich hatte eine Rede schreiben sollen. Ich konnte nicht, nicht wirklich. Im Endeffekt habe ich was zustande gekriegt, aber nicht das, was ich eigentlich wollte. Nur ein paar kurze Worte, die alles eher schlecht als recht auf den Punkt brachten.

Doch warum? Was führte dazu?
Ich glaube es ist, dass die letzten wirklichen Bünde nach hause wie Spinnenfäden nach ewiger Dehnung nun rissen. Zuhause? Was ist das?
Ich glaube, das ist es tatsächlich. Ich denke nicht mehr, wie ich es einst tat.
Ich bin nicht mehr der Mensch, der damals fort ging.
Vielleicht ist das gut. Vielleicht auch nicht. Vielleicht auch nur anders.
Fakt ist: ich bin definitiv disziplinierter und weiß jetzt, wos langgehen wird. On track, so zu sagen.
Zukunft, ich komme!

Sonntag, 2. März 2008




An meine Eltern zur Silberhochzeit.
Wollte ich nur gesagt haben.