Sonntag, 28. Dezember 2008

+++GANZ GROSSES TENNIS!

+++Ja. Klasse Abend. Wirklich super. Scheiße.
Wir fangen damit an, dass meinen alten um 6 einfällt, dass das Haus "versifft" und "im Chaos versinkt". (Geeeenau. -.-) Also aufräumen. Dabei tun sie so, als hätte ich sie darum gebeten, mich für 6,5 Wochen allein zu lassen. Fürs Protokoll: das habe ich nicht.
Egal, ich verziehe mich also so kurz vor acht mit Ina und Leifischleifi auf ne Party in Hannover. Die war scheiße. Kann man nur so sagen. Vielleicht lags an uns, weil wir nur in der Ecke saßen und mit den Menschen halt nix zu tun hatten. Dann sind wir noch auf ne andere Party gestratzt. Auch nich so pralle.
Dann sind wir gefahren. Klasse Abend. Aufm rückweg hab ich vergessen meine Karte zu stempeln und wurde natürlich erwischt. Scheisse.

Freitag, 26. Dezember 2008

+++Ach du Scheiße


+++

+++shut... down... EVERYTHING!

+++16 Stunden Schlaf, viele Albträume und ein eher zweitklassiges Frühstück habe ich jetzt hinter mir und fühle mich wie gerädert. Alles tut weh und wirklich wach bin ich nicht. Das scheint die Quittung für Wochen voller Stress zu sein. Aber immerhin: das ist wohl das Zeichen, dass es wieder Bergauf geht.

Montag, 22. Dezember 2008

+++Misanthropie für alle!

+++ich habe jetzt einen Gemeinschaftsblog mit einem Klassenkameraden. Da: http://menschensindundbleibentiere.blogspot.com/ , viel Spaß.
Dieser hier bleibt natürlich bestehen, doch wird sämtliche Misanthropie auf den unten verlinkten verlagert ^^.

Samstag, 13. Dezember 2008

+++Subkulturen

+++Nachdem ich ... ääh... gestern? (Es ist schon wieder viel zu viel zwischendrin passiert) diesen Eintrag über Musik geschrieben hatte war ich danach noch im GIG in Hannover, Schülerbands für lau angucken. War auch sehr nett und es war auch die obligatorische Black-/Deathmetal band da mit ihren obligatorisch gekleideten Fans.
Hier also meine Frage: Warum kleiden sich Mitglieder einer Subkultur gemäß dem Rest?
Wollen sie ihren Idolen nacheifern?
Speziell im Metal wäre das ja definitiv der Fall... oder ist es etwas anderes? Haben vielleicht Kleidung- und Musikgeschmack den selben Grund irgendwo im genetischen Unterbewusstsein?
Etwas, dem man nachgehen sollte. Das brachte mich zu etwas anderem: Mode.
Wer bestimmt eigentlich, was in Mode ist? Und finden tatsächlich ALLE diese Mode gut? Ich meine, tragen Menschen, die sich modisch kleiden nur solche Klamotten, weil ihnen nichts anderes übrig bleibt, weil sie dazu gehören wollen oder gibt es hier eine Art kollektives Modebewusstsein?
Der erste Schritt zum Beweis der Uni-Unconsciousness? Das kollektive Unter- und Unbewusstsein. Die kollektive Idiotie. Stellen wir uns das Kollektiv vor wie das Internet. Gibt es dann dort auch Spam?
AAAAH! EIN VIRUS!
---dieser Post endet hier. Bitte nicht weiterlesen.

Freitag, 12. Dezember 2008

+++Musik!

+++Manch einer wird sich gewundert haben über meine Umfrage. "na, das ist so überhaupt nicht sein Niveau". Doch, ist es schon, denn da steckt mehr hinter. Glaubt ihr nicht?
Dann halt nicht.

Aber es geht eben um folgendes: Musik-Nazis.
Davon gibts mehr als genug. Natürlich falle ich da auch zu einem gewissen Grad drunter. Der durchschnitts-Bildleser wird jetzt aber Frauentausch auf mute schalten und fragen: Waschn des?

Musiknazis haben eine ganz eigene Art von Engstirnigkeit.
Sie verachten Menschen nicht aufgrund ihrer Hautfarbe, Religion oder deren Geschlechts sondern aufgrund der Musik, die sie hören. Wenn einem sonst nichts bleibt, um Menschen zu diskriminieren und klassifizieren müssen halt desjenigen Krach-Vorlieben herhalten.
Dabei muss man sich fragen: was macht es eigentlich aus, dass ich ein Lied oder einen Interpreten "mag"?
In meinem Fall ist es Tiefe. Tiefe, die man fühlen kann, musikalisch und lyrisch. Das müssen keine superkomplexen Riffs sein oder Texte die Goethe zu hoch wären. Nein. Es darf auch Bolt-Thrower sein oder KIZ. Es geht ja nicht um Komplexität, sondern um Stimmung. Ein bestimmtes Gefühl in Musik packen, so wie es in den meisten Kunstformen das Ziel ist.
Naja, abgesehen vom Impressionismus, der spielt jedoch auch mit Gefühlen um eine Botschaft zu übermitteln. Egal.
Ich bin da kein Kunstfachman. Was ich sagen will: man kann alles hören. Sicherlich, einigen ist Baustellenlärm-Schranz zu anstrengend, aber scheinbar kann man auch das nach einer Eingewöhnungsphase hören, schließlich hat auch diese Musikrichtung Fans.

Was ICH persönlich jedoch auf den Tod nicht abkann ist rein kommerzielle Pop-Musik. Nicht, dass ich was dagegen hätte, wenn Menschen mit ihrer Musik Geld machen, nein. Es geht mir um Musik, die NUR aus diesem Grund "komponiert" (und der Begriff ist hier SEHR lose benutzt) wurde.
Dieter Bohlens Gammelkabinett, zahllose Boy- Girl- Fag- und Einkaufszombiegroups verschmutzen schon seit meiner frühesten Kindheit den Äther. Leider kommt sowas nämlich an, wie Frauentausch oder zig tausend Talkshows oder die Bild.

Aber macht mich das jetzt auch zum Musik-Nazi?

Mittwoch, 10. Dezember 2008

+++Let's do the timewarp.

+++

Einfach nachtanzen und mir in meine Erinnerungen folgen.

Weil: es ist VIEL passiert. Naja nicht so viel. Ich kanns zusammen fassen: wir hatten unsere gut gelaufene Theateraufführung mitsamt miserabler Nachbesprechung... öhm... war bei diesem HdJ-Ding mit den Bands und letztes Wochenende in Dresden.
Pff. Jo.
Jetzt habe ich eigentlich auch keinen Bock mehr ausführlich zu schreiben. Aber so seid ihr mal wieder up-to-date.

Montag, 1. Dezember 2008

+++Pollen

+++Mjoah. Der November-Poll ist abgelaufen und wie ich das sehe haben Zombies ganz klar vor einem Nuklearkrieg gewonnen.
Soweit so gut.
Der nächste Poll also: Welche Band ist mehr poserig/Kommerz?
(Yay, Klischees!)

Sonntag, 30. November 2008

Freitag, 28. November 2008

+++Was soll ich sagen?

+++Wenn einen jemand ziemlich plötzlich damit konfrontiert, dass dessen Mutter vor kurzem gestorben ist, kann das schockierend sein. Wenn man vorher, unwissenderweise wohlgemerkt, kommentare über eben diese Mutter macht wird die Situation nicht unbedingt besser.

Es ist 2:14 am Morgen und ich sitze am Rechner. Warum tue ich solche Dinge?
Keine Ahnung.
Es ist eh nur eine Frage der Zeit, bis ich den Raubbau an meinem Körper bereue und er sich zwangsläufig zurückholt, was ich ihm genommen.
Ich rechne in spätestens 14 Tagen mit einem temporären totalen Ausfall. Wenn nicht schon früher.
Wieder die Frage, warum tue ich soetwas?
Weil ich etwas suche. Was es genau ist, weiß ich nicht, aber ich suche etwas. Irgendwas in mir drin (haaa. haa. ha. Keine Homowitze, bitte!)
Nein, ehrlich. Irgendwas fehlt mir. Und wenn es nur das WIssen um meine tatsächlichen Grenzen ist.
Vielleicht muss ich mir einfach nur mal was beweisen. Das könntes sein.
Ja.

Mein Kreislauf ist am Tiefpunkt und ich werde müde. Eine Sache aber noch:
Was ist eigentlich Einsamkeit?
Und, an zweiter Stelle: Wieso fühle ich mich einsam und habe ich überhaupt das Recht dazu?

Wikipedia spuckt das hier aus:

Der Begriff Einsamkeit bezeichnet die Empfindung, von anderen Menschen getrennt und abgeschieden zu sein. Die Bewertung dieses Sachverhalts kann sehr unterschiedlich ausfallen, je nachdem, aus welchem Blickwinkel man ihn betrachtet: Während die Sozialwissenschaften in der Einsamkeit oft überwiegend eine Normabweichung und einen Mangel erblicken, billigen die Geisteswissenschaften der Einsamkeit eher auch positive Aspekte zu, im Sinne einer geistigen Erholungsstrategie, die notwendig sein kann, um die Gedanken zu ordnen oder Kreativität zu entwickeln.


Ich bin also isoliert. Physisch eher weniger, habe ja mit vielen Menschen am Tag zu tun. Doch ich fühle, dass nur wenige tatsächlich zu mir durch dringen. Schade eigentlich. Sehr schade.
Ob das mein eigener Fehler ist? Möglich. Wahrscheinlich. Aber es hängt sicher auch damit zusammen, dass sich nur noch die wenigsten auf meiner Wellenlänge befinden. Ja, ich weiß, wie arrogant das klingt. Aber es ist so. Und ich meine hierbei eher weniger die intellektuelle Wellenlänge, sondern eher die emotionale (dass mir intellektuell die wenigsten das Wasser reichen kann ist ja klar.... ;) )

Ich fühle mich also einsam. Irgendwie missverstanden, aber auch von mir selbst.
Ich brauch eeine feste Beziehung.
Der Kausalzusammenhang ist hier für die wenigsten erschließbar, was dem Autor aber an dieser Stelle herzlich egal ist.
ICh brauche das halt gerade, definitiv.

Hoffnung ist in Sicht, keine Angst.

---Ende des Eintrages.

Dienstag, 25. November 2008

+++Aus gegebenem Anlass:

+++
Dethklok - Castratikon

Born of Evil In a fiery volcano
On a mutilated mission to inflict
merciless pain
Sacrifice your soul to the deity of DETH
She's concocted your murder
And you've lost all your defens(es)
She was summoned by the ancient
wizards
To carry demon children in the
poisonous flood
Day of her conception the prophecy was
writted
On the scrotum of a wizard in his
testicle blood

Run but you can't hide
The hunt is on
Your life is gone
CASTRATIKRON
Eyes they will go blind
If looked beyond
Your life is gone
CASTRATIKRON

Sharpened claws poisoned tip manicure
Painted skin hiding the beast within
Daggered heels designed to cut your face
No remorse crushing the human race

Run but you can't hide
The hunt is on
Your life is gone
CASTRATIKRON
Eyes they will go blind
If looked beyond
Your life is gone
CASTRATIKRON

Sharpened claws poisoned tip manicure
Painted skin hiding the beast within
Daggered heels designed to cut your face
No remorse KILLING the human race


und zum wiederholten Mal auf meinem Blog:


A Perfect Circle - The Outsider

Help me if you can
It's just that this is not the way I'm wired
So could you please, help me understand why
You've given in to all these reckless dark desires

You're lying to yourself again
Suicidal imbecile
Think about it, put it on a faultline
What'll it take to get it through to you precious
I'm over this, why do you wanna throw it away like this
Such a mess, why would i wanna watch you

Disconnect and self destruct one bullet at a time
What's your rush now, everyone will have his day to die

Medicated, drama queen, picture perfect, numb belligerance
Narcisistic, drama queen, craving fame and all this decadence

Lying through your teeth again
Suicidal imbecile
Think about it, put it on a fautline
What'll it take to get it through to you precious
I'm over this, why do you wanna throw it away like this
Such a mess, why would i wanna watch you

Disconnect and self destruct one bullet at a time
What's your rush now, everyone will have his day to die

They were right about you
They were right about you

Lying to my face again
Suicidal imbecile
Think about it, put it on a fautline
What'll it take to get it through to you precious
I'm over this, why do you wanna throw it away like this
Such a mess, clueless, clueless

Disconnect and self destruct, one bullet at a time
What's your hurry, everyone will have his day to die
If you choose to pull the trigger, should your drama prove sincere
Do it somewhere far away from here

Donnerstag, 20. November 2008

+++kleiner Finger

+++Ich habe mir Dienstag im Sport den kleinen Finger verstaucht. Nachdem ein Basketball einen Volltreffer landete und die Einzelteile der Gelenke gegeneinander presste schwoll er an wie ein Cocktailwürstchen und färbte sich grün-blau an der Innenseite.
Kein PRoblem, möchte man denken, wofür braucht man schon seinen kleinen Finger?
Ich habe mich gewundert. Man braucht ihn häufig. Aber nie für wirklich wichtige Aufgaben. Er arbeitet zum Beispiel als Stabilisator beim Zähneputzen, als Unterlage beim Schreiben oder zum Drücken von "Enter" und "Ü" auf der Tastatur.
Nichts wirklich wichtiges, denkt man jetzt immernoch, aber es leppert sich
es sind alles so kleine Dinge, die aber irgendwo zum Leben dazugehören.
Außerdem kann man den kleinen Finger auch für andere Dinge verwenden, für Versprechen zum Beispiel! (Beim nichteinhalten wird dieser traditionellerweise abgeschnitten.)

Tja. Habt eure kleinen Finger lieb, die sind wichtiger als ihr denkt.

---Ende des Eintrags.

Mittwoch, 19. November 2008

+++Blubb.

+++Eigentlich wollte ich schreiben, wie sehr meine ABneigung gegen Kinder heute gewachsen ist. Aber leider bin ich viel zu fröhlich dafür. Hm, mir gehts gut :)

Samstag, 15. November 2008

Mittwoch, 12. November 2008

+++ Протесты

+++Wow. Woooaah. Hui. Ich muss das hier aufschreiben, bevor der Adrenalin- und Koffeeinpegel soweit herunter geht, dass mein Körper seinen Tribut fordert und tot umfällt.
Heute war ein saumäßig anstrengender Tag, ein erzählenswürdiger Tag.
Er beginnt wie jeder mit dem Aufstehen, ein mittlerweile komplett rutinierter Vorgang aus Duschen, Anziehen, Essen und den Bus gerade noch so bekommen.
Alles Klasse und sogar mit dem abgewrackten Mischmasch aus Berufszombies auf meinem Weg zur Schule habe ich mich abgefunden.
Ab zur Schule. Physik. Kräftepfeile addieren. Bla bla bla.
Biologie. Aminosäuren analysieren. Blaaa blaaaahaa blablaa.
Englisch. Blablabla (auf deutsch: Blablabla.)

Es folgte: Stundenausfall Französisch. Ob Frau M. aus gutem Willen nicht zur Schule kam, um uns die Möglichkeit zu geben zu demonstrieren, oder ob sie einfach tatsächlich krank war sei in Frage gestellt. Sicher ist nur, dass von etwa 25 Schülern aus meiner Klasse gerade mal 6-7 zur Demo wollten.
Anders als der großteil der Ricarda Huch Schule entschied ich mich, sofort zum Bahnhof zu fahren um mich mit Ina und Leif zu treffen.

(Meine Konzentration schwindet. Die Tastenanschläge werden um einiges langsamer...)

Unterm Schwanz. Ich hatte mein Rufhorn dabei und würde dieses entlang der Demonstration auch häufig verwenden, jedes Mal einen besseren Ton erzeugend.
...
Genau.
Also stapfen wir mittlerweile zu dritt zum Opernplatz.
Dort gab es wohl irgendwo jemanden, der Parolen in die Menge brüllte, was diese mit lauten Jubelrufen beantwortete. Verstanden ham wir nix, aber das schien ja eh egal, es ging ums dabei sein.
Hier eine Randnotiz: Die Antifa war mit vielen Leuten und Flaggen vertreten.
Die Plakate verstand man ja schließlich auch noch auf 40 Meter Entfernung.
Und ein lautes "HÜÜÜÜÜÜÜT" aus einem Rufhorn auch.
Hah.
So.
Also setzt sich der Zug langsam in Bewegung und wir gehen halt spaßeshalber mal mit, immer begleitet von Udels in grün.

(Meine Augen fallen bereits zu... ich muss mich beeilen!)

Öhm... ja. Bei einer Straßenbahnlinie am Steintor gabs Probleme: Schüler ohne Bildung wissen natürlich nicht, dass sie nicht auf Gleisen stehen dürfen.
Als ob so ein paar Menschen diesen Zug hätten aufhalten können bremste dieser tatsächlich. Naja.
Es geht weiter an scheinbar wichtigen Gebäuden entlang, die immer brav mit lauten Parolen bebrüllt werden.
"Wir sind hier, wir sind laut, weil man uns die Bildung klaut" war immer ein Renner, auch beliebt war "Bildung, für alle, und zwar umsonst!".
Joah.
Mitrufen fand ich aber doch doof, weil ich, wenn ich denn rief, generell doppelt so laut schien wie alle um mich herum.
Wir laufen also so ganz friedlich um den Landtag herum und plötzlich scherte der schwarze (Antifa) Block nach links aus und lief in direkter Linie auf den Landtag zu. Aus der Ferne sehe ich, wie ein vermummter die Hintertür eintritt und sofort wegrennt. Beamte in voller Montur rennen hin, können jedoch nix machen, weil derjenige bereits in der Menge verschwunden ist.
Es geht also auf die Front des Landtages zu. Wieder viel Blabla, was keiner Versteht, weil es zu verzerrt ist, zu sehr hallt.

(ich verliere zusehends den Faden...)

Wir stehen. Mehr Parolen, mehr Rufe. (Jetzt auch "Wir wollen den Minister sehn, wir wolln den Minister sehn, wir wolln wir wolln, wir wolln Minister sehn")
Langsam wird's Leif, Ina und mir aber zu öde.
Wir wollen halt weg.
Öhm.
Ein paar maskierte versuchen auf die Seite der Treppe vorm Landtag zu klettern. AUf der Treppe, muss man wissen, stehen viele Menschen in Anzug, welche von Polizisten geschützt werden. Ich gehe davon aus, dass es sich hierbei um Abgeordente handelte.
Naja jedenfalls versuchen da Leute hoch zu klettern, werden aber von Polizisten wieder herunter geschmissen. Klasse Aktion, wieso sollte man da auch hoch klettern wollen?! Ist das hier ein Underground-Metalkonzert, oder was?!
Egal.
So kann man das Recht auf freie Meinugsäußerung und das Recht auf Versammlung auch missbrauchen.
Anyhow.
Wir wollen halt langsam weg, weil die Spannung steigt und ein grün-weißer Partybus nach dem anderen ankommt und die Rüstung der Polizisten von Bus zu Bus heftiger wird.
Erste Gruppen werden separiert und es kommt zur ersten Ansage der Polizei: DIe Gruppe soll sich zerstreuen und den Platz verlassen.
Sonst würden sie wohl "unmittelbaren Zwang" einsetzen.
Die Warnung wiederholt sich, ab und zu auch mit den Worten, dass dies die letzte Warnugn sei.
Wir stehen zu dritt mittlerweile abseits des Geschehens und warten darauf, dass etwas passiert. Tuts aber nicht. Nach einer Stunde verziehen wir uns.

So. Warum ich jetzt so im Arsch bin?
Ich bin die ganze Zeit mit meinem bekackten, superschweren Rucksack durch die Stadt getapert bin, irgendwie kränklich bin und heute Abend noch Probe hatte. Kein Wunder also.
Gute Nacht.

Montag, 10. November 2008

+++Wenn man meint, es sei vorrüber

+++Dann geht es gerade erst richtig los.


Beim ersten Schnee waren wir nicht mehr zusammen
Doch ich glaubte an die Liebe
Weil der fremde Mann kam und sie mir wegnahm
Ich glaubte trotzdem an die Liebe
Ein paar Wochen lang nur strahlte sie vor Glück
Dann ging er fort und sagte, er sei bald zurück
Sie wartete noch, als schon der Frühling kam

Das Gras wurde grün, sie wurde dünn und blass
Denn sie glaubte an die Liebe
Weil sie jeden Tag weinend am Fenster saß
Viel zu groß war ihre Liebe
Ob sie wohl an ihn dachte, als sie schließlich starb?
Ich legte eine rote Rose auf ihr Grab
Sag mir, worauf ist in dieser Welt Verlass?


Aus: Die Ärzte - Nur Einen Kuss.

Sonntag, 9. November 2008

+++Traurig!

+++

+++Manchmal

+++Manchmal, da wird mir schwindelig. Da taumle ich nur durch die Gegend und mir ist regelrecht schlecht ob der Gedanken die ich denke.
Hier einer davon.

Was ist, wenn alle unsere Kommunikation, die wir tatsächlich wahrnehmen nur Fassade ist? Was ist, wenn es absolut egal ist, welche Worte wir benutzen und welche Körperhaltung wir einnehmen, sondern alles, was wir TATSÄCHLICH ausdrücken möchten über unmessbare Energieschwankungen und Strahlungen ausgedrückt würde?
Wenn ich jemandem sagen könnte "du bist ein Arschloch, ich hasse dich", aber meinen Geist zwinge, ihm etwas anderes zu bedeuten?

Aber wie ist das mit dem Lesen? WIe kann geschriebener Text dann Emotionen auslösen?

Emotionen sind chemische Prozesse, getriggert durch unser Gehirn, resultierend aus Sinneseinflüssen. So könnte es also auch da sein.

Das menschliche Gehirn verwirrt mich, es ist so komplex und vielfältig und dennoch in den entscheidenden Momenten versagt es.
Wenn man zum Beispiel in einer Mathearbeit sitzt und sich konzentrieren möchte, doch wird man von dem einem gegenüber sitzenden Mädchen abgelenkt, mit ihrem Gesicht, das aussieht, als wäre es designed worden. Dann spielt sie mit ihren Haaren, die sich um ihren Hals schlingen, in ihren Ausschnitt fallen...
Bam, alles Konzentration ist weg.

Natürlich liegt das daran, dass die Mathematik noch nicht ganz lange genug besteht um starken Einfluss auf unsere Evolution zu haben und deshalb siegt auch hier wieder der Geschlechtstrieb.
Doch eben dieser ist in letzter Zeit stärker in den Mittelpunkt meiner Überlegungen gekommen. So fragte ich mich, ob Menschen, die Single sind tatsächlich trauriger oder schlechter gelaunt sind als Menschen in eienr Beziehung. Schließlich bringt ja eine Beziehung auch immer ihre Tücken mit sich.
Oder liegt es einfach daran, dass wir nie zufrieden sind? Nie zufrieden sein DÜRFEN, weil wir sonst nie ein Streben nach mehr, nach Besserung hätten?
Dieses Streben nach der psychischen Schwanzverlängerung, das im Endeffekt unsere Spezies am Leben erhalten hat?
...
Hm.

Ich sagte doch, ich taumele ab und zu ein wenig vom Wege ab.

Donnerstag, 6. November 2008

+++Ausdiemaus!

+++So. Schluss mit lustig, äääh, Englisch. Ich entschuldige dieses bilinguale Chaos, doch mittlerweile bin ich wieder gut in meiner Muttersprache drin und kriege vice versa Probleme mit dem Englischen. Nix übles, nur der Satzbau haut nich mehr so hin.
Boah.
Wir haben jetzt eine Pokerrunde in der Klasse gestartet. Eine tolle Sache, um mal zwischendrin ein wenig auszuspannen und die Überlegenheit gegenüber den Klassenkameraden zu demonstrieren.
Hah! Ich habe zwar noch keine von den tatsächlich zuende gebrachten Runden gewonnen, aber bei denen, die wir vorher abbrechen mussten lag ich mit teilweise mehr als tausend Punkten vorn, stand dem Sieg also näher als Deutschland bei der EM. Was nichts heißen muss, sooo nah waren sie ja nun auch wieder nicht dran, verglichen mit mir zumindest.
Nein, ich hätte die EM nicht gewonnen... ach egal.

Spannendes aus der Weltgeschichte: Barack Obama interessiert sich nicht dafür, aber am 12. soll wohl eine Schülerdemo statt finden. Max kommentierte es mit einem interessierten "kann man da Backsteine werfen?"
Nein Max, ich glaube nicht. Man kanns ja aber mal versuchen. So aufheben und gleich wieder fallen lassen, es lebe das Revoluzzertum.
Natürlich muss ich mir echt noch überlegen, ob ich jetzt, im November bei Scheißwetter da draußen stehe... für mich wäre das die Alternative zu Französisch... Hm.

Na denn.

Montag, 3. November 2008

+++Save my time (, BITCH)!

+++Woah. I could not have written a more stupid headline. Anyhow, I was thinking today about daylight savings time (Zeitumstellung) and actually, I have to say that I like it! I do, and I shall tell you why.
Behold!
During summer time, or daylight savings time the sun rises pretty early (since it is moving further noth of the equator) and you have lots and lots of time at night. During winter time, or standard time, the sun still rises somewhat early (because you set your clocks back one hour, remember?), but you don't have as much time in the evening, as you would in the summer.
Now, many people (like me) have to get up very early (5:30 AM in my case). Sunlight really DOES help a lot in keeping those people... alive. Yeah.
Ever since we're back in normal time and I can see the sun again, when I leave the house, my day is way easier to handle.
So if you have the chance: speak out FOR the daylight savings time!

Samstag, 1. November 2008

+++You know, since its halloween and stuff...

+++

By the way: I am truly amazed, that zombies are quite popular so far ^^

Mittwoch, 29. Oktober 2008

+++Голосовать

+++I discovered, that I liked the poll-idea. So I introduce to you: the poll of the month, short POTm. This month's (November's) topic is: what is your favorite armageddon scenario?


If you choose "other", please comment on THIS post and describe your idea.


---End of post.

+++Внимание!

+++Darkness closes in. Earlier and earlier the sun sinks beyond the horizon now and there is nothing we can do about it. Temperatures fall below the freezing point already... this all doesnt bother me much. What really DOES bother me though is the fact that time is passing by extremely quickly these days.
I have been talking to Brit, Jason and Scott lately and it seems I saw them like yesterday, but that is way longer ago.
Yeah, I know, it's not the first time I am complaining about how time passes too fast, but now it really feels like someone pressed Fast Forward >> Button.
Not much longer until elections in America and I can tell you: it's not gonna matter shit. The media will make a huge thing out of it, which it absolutely isn't. There is a southpark episode, called "Douche and Turd", which sums American democracy up perfectly: Sometimes you have to choose between a giant douche and a turd sandwich.
Why, you ask? Obama is our hero, he is talking of CHANGE!
Geez. Do you buy every good, just because it says it's better then other ones?
Well, I actually hope for McCain to cheat, like W did. I see the odds standing for revolution.
With Obama elected I see the odds for assasination. Either way, they are standing against us. Eh, let's watch some American Gladiators and go to sleep. Our governments are watching after us after all and there is nothing to worry about...
---End of post.

Dienstag, 28. Oktober 2008

+++Writing contest...

+++There is a writing contest from our local newspaper... some topics i should be able to write about... time to close all doors, windows and be alone with some white noise...

Sonntag, 26. Oktober 2008

-CANCELLED!-

+++My 2nd birthday party is now, until further notice cancelled.---

Donnerstag, 23. Oktober 2008

Montag, 20. Oktober 2008

+++Too many titles for two strangers with wips made of self-disgust

+++As you can tell ive been listening to The Locust and War From A Hariots Mouth a lot lately. But now to something completely different.
Today has been an absolutely weird day. Things got together and fit perfectly, but still felt weird. Everything is changing and turning once again, but this time I am controlling it and I really like, what is going on right now.
Things are just running fine, seriously.

And now to what I actually DID want to write about... geez, all those distractions!
I'm gonna start off with a great shirt design from , a great but soap-opera-ish webcomic. Theeere you go:


Blogging. What is blogging actually? Well there are lots of different types of blogs but Im just gonna go ahead and sort them into two categories: personal and unpersonal blogs. Unpersonal blogs are blogs where people put up stuff for others to see, like kittehs, notes, political messages, videos, etc.
They have a general content and are more or less amusing or informative.
Then there is the other kind, like my blog, the personal ones. These you can also divide into two categories: diaries and opinion-blogs. Opinion-blogs are blogs, that show a person's opinion about things, still beeing absolutely subjective and stuff. I'd call Sören's blog an opinion-blog.
Diaries on the other hand can be devided into another two categories. (Are you still with me? Can you still follow me? If not, go ahead, drink some chocolate, relax and call me, tell me how much of a looser I am, because I think of stuff like this!)
There are the ones like mine, that tell stories, that are rather informative and there are these self-therapy-like waste-baskets for the mind. Its like a puke-bowl for someone's heart. I have to admit, I abused mine as something like that too, but I guess I stopped, I hope so, because I HATE THAT KIND OF BLOGS!
Jesus H. Christ! Why do people have to WHINE all day? I mean, there are better things to do with your time, like changing the things that are concerning you enough to blog about them... geez...

I found out some day some years ago, that I am a living parody on myself.

Freitag, 17. Oktober 2008

+++So the 31st it is...

+++Yeah. Dumb as I am I neglected the fact, that the 31st is also Halloween. So theres another poll at the side... Take a look at it, while I am creating the guest-list and invitations...

Dienstag, 14. Oktober 2008

+++Heroes of my time...

+++

#1:

Marcel Reich-Ranicki was supposed to recieve a price. This 88 year old man was supposed to get the German-TV price for his life-time achievement- but he rejected it. He rejected it, saying, that modern TV is just crap and that he just does not want to be compared to all the other people, that recieved prices.


#2:

Sunday I saw Wall-E and I was AMAZED. This movie simply RULES. Not only is it a touching love-story, told in a way that even children can understand it, but it's also critic towards society. I love it!

Sonntag, 12. Oktober 2008

+++A man of art

+++A study on Richard Cheese and modern music culture.



Lately I have been listening to a lot of Richard Cheese and I have noted something: his melodies are really generic and so is the background music. You could basically take the singing of one song and put it over the background music of another song and it would fit. You'd have to change the meter a little and the rythm, maybe, but despite that It'd work perfectly.
But I love listening to Richard Cheese, because the lyrics seem so stupid. These two things taken together made me realize something: R C is a satirist. He just points out how stupid modern music is. It is ALL THE FREAKING SAME. And so are the lyrics.
Everything is just some mass-produced crap...
made for sale. Made for money.

Therefore I say: SUPPORT SOFTWARE/MUSIC PIRATES! Because if artists can not make music for money anymore, they will make music because it is a piece of art, because they want to say something. And with sharing softwares their message and art will be shared faster than anything else.

Support the pirates! Destroy the music industry! (I need a logo for that...)

YARRR!

Mittwoch, 8. Oktober 2008

+++Passive agressive

+++http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/
This is a fun blog about passive agressive notes. You wonder, what that is? THose are notes, people write because they can't (or don't want to) confront a certain person directly on a certain problem. Usually they are very politely written but in some cases they are cynical and extremely aggressive. That's what this page is for. A lot of fun.

Dienstag, 7. Oktober 2008

+++Post one-hundred: You'd think I am smarter than that.

+++Hah, you thought I were smart? You fail.
this morning I woke up, seeing that I had some baaaaad, dark rings under my eyes. Well next to my bed, there was this ointment, that you are supposed to smear over your chest, when you have a cold. It contains esotheric oils and stuff like that. Also, it feels like it is sucking the moist out of your skin. I thought, that'd be, what I'd need and applied it to the areas under my eyes.
For a couple of seconds nothing happened. Shortly after I felt the worst burn I ever felt in my eyes...
Five minutes of scrubbing under water later the situation was resolved. My eyes are deep red now but my eye-sight is restored to a hundred percent and the rings are gone...
I will not ever do that again, though...

Well, I oughta get ready for school.

Montag, 6. Oktober 2008

+++Post 99

+++I am thinking about celebrating my birthday. Check the poll on the side ->

+++and stuff.

+++Well well.
Fall break is just a week ahead and I wonder: how did I manage to survive without it last year?
School is kinda killing me right now. Getting up at 5:30 ain't fun and games at all.
But the last week end was just a-freaking-mazing.
Starting off with a double-feature birthday-party friday to saturday as a blast-off, going on with a nice evening with Ina and Leif at the Oktobermarkt in Burgdorf.... I just had a LOT of fun!
There was just a lot, too much to mention. No way I could stuff this on here without boring anyone.
I just feel alive again at last.
Only thing that still concerns me is, that I still can not write in German. My German just sucks so much, its incredible. Seriously, I have to do something about it.

Sonntag, 28. September 2008

Freitag, 26. September 2008

+++Angry again

+++Call me a nerd. Call me a geek. Call me lame. Call me whatever you want to. But I got to say this: I am mad.
Let me tell you a little story. Some time ago Ina asked me for good games she could borrow. I gave her the StarCraft basic-game. This made me want to play StarCraft myself again and i started the single-player campaign again (so far I made it to the 4th mission of the 3rd campaign without ANY cheats!). But there was this button, that was grabbing my attention: "multiplayer".
I had not had played a while in battle.net.
I found out why.
I mean I am not a bad player, seriously. But I got owned by so many douches with tower-rushes or some other unfair-unsportly crap like that... that just pisses me off.

If you dont get it, never mind. its just a game. Just a game... just a game...

Donnerstag, 25. September 2008

+++Significance?

+++The media is somewhat amazing. They make money by telling people to buy stuff, they report about senseless crap and everyone is buying it. Literary.
Some time ago the care-taker of Germany's favorite polar-bear died. You would think "who gives a shit?", but apparently enough people do.
The BILD, a boulevard paper that claims to be a newspaper reported on it, front page. Seriously, is that necessary? Arent there any more things to talk about? Are our lives so miserable and insignificant, that we have to think about a polar-bear?
Yeah, he might be cute. But so what? My cat was cute too, when she was still a baby. Every cat is. Lisa's is too, I guess.
Why does anyone care?
Its the same with royals. I really couldnt care less, what the prince of Spain is doing. But I am nuked with informations about hom from every and every side. Just because they can.
I hate it. I freaking do.

Montag, 22. September 2008

+++People with skillz pt II

+++





"You want some of dis, bitch?"

+++Oooooof course it bursts into flames...!

+++Funny, how a single dream can throw you out of track. Its like a little stone on a rail road.
Im not going to tell you about it. Of course not.
Why would I?

Lately I decided, that life is awesome and fun. Whereas my definition of fun changed. You see, it is a society-thing, that defined pain and sadness as bad things. But I found, that you can actually enjoy them to some extent. And if you do and actually face them instead of putting them away it slowly gets better. You kind of talk yourself into happyness.
Weird.
But it works, at least for me.

Yesterday was great by the way. I sat on stage and read a text of mine and got applauded for it. Amazing. Plus, some of the other writers told me that they liked my performance. Way to go!

Samstag, 20. September 2008

+++POSER!

+++Buying new things tends to make people happy. What applies to others does just as well to me.







Donnerstag, 18. September 2008

+++

+++I would like to blogg. But all that comes out is the same whiny crap I repeat over and over again, like a broken tape recorder. So I am just not going to do it at all now.
My writing sucks anyway these days.

Montag, 15. September 2008

+++people with skillz

+++

+++Withdrawal

+++YFU has the bad habit of making so amazing seminars, that you just get withdrawal from not beeing there. Kinda sucks, doesnt it?
I just enjoyed 4 days of amazingly organized and absolutely awesome work.
I learned a lot. Problem is, I can not really put it into words.
It just happened to quickly, I guess. Well, after all I am really struggeling with putting things down on paper. I didnt write much lately, and all I did was crap. Seriously, I am not even inspired. That is not a good thing, absolutely not.

Montag, 8. September 2008

+++WICHTIG!


+++Ich kann es nicht oft genug betonen, aber am 21.9.2008 um 20 Uhr ist im Chicago in Hannover die literarische Störung, bei der auch ich sowie weltberühmtheiten wie Silke Liebherr oder Johannes Weigel auf der Bühne stehen und lesen. Kommen lohnt sich also. Der Eintritt ist prinzipiell frei, es sollten jedoch drei Euro Verzehrgeld mitgenommen werden, der netten Gastgeber wegen.

Sorry people, but an English version of this post just wouldn't make any sense, since you wont be able to come to Hanover within the next two weeks, right?

p.s.: Ins Chicago kommt man übrigens nur, wenn man über 18 ist. Warum weiß ich nicht und ob sie das tatsächlich kontrollieren auch nicht. Wollte ich nur gesagt haben, nicht, dass sich sonst wer beschwert.

Sonntag, 7. September 2008

+++Designated to a person I used to know.

+++

The Outsider by A Perfect Circle


Help me if you can

It's just that this is not the way I'm wired

So could you please, help me understand why

You've given in to all these reckless dark desires



You're lying to yourself again

Suicidal imbecile

Think about it, put it on a faultline

What'll it take to get it through to you precious

I'm over this, why do you wanna throw it away like this

Such a mess, why would i wanna watch you



Disconnect and self destruct one bullet at a time

What's your rush now, everyone will have his day to die



Medicated, drama queen, picture perfect, numb belligerance

Narcisistic, drama queen, craving fame and all this decadence



Lying through your teeth again

Suicidal imbecile

Think about it, put it on a fautline

What'll it take to get it through to you precious

I'm over this, why do you wanna throw it away like this

Such a mess, why would i wanna watch you



Disconnect and self destruct one bullet at a time

What's your rush now, everyone will have his day to die



They were right about you

They were right about you



Lying to my face again

Suicidal imbecile

Think about it, put it on a fautline

What'll it take to get it through to you precious

I'm over this, why do you wanna throw it away like this

Such a mess, clueless, clueless



Disconnect and self destruct, one bullet at a time

What's your hurry, everyone will have his day to die

If you choose to pull the trigger, should your drama prove sincere

Do it somewhere far away from here

Samstag, 6. September 2008

+++Why the caged bird sings

+++"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." - Tyler Durdan.

I have realized something. There are these moments in the life of every man that are simply... well, there is no real adjective for it. But these moments are different from the rest of your life, like a moment of absolut peace and silence in a traffic jam or, in my case, at the trainstation in Lehrte today. Or more, yesterday, since its past midnight by now. I mean Saturday.

I was sitting there, thinking about this quote, of how after you loose everything that is important or seems important to you, you are absolutely free, because you have nothing to loose.
But then on the other hand I wonder, what kind of freedom do you need?
I mean yeah, its kinda gay if all you live for is buying new stuff, yeah. But there are things worth keeping. Friends, for example. Or my bike, since it gives me the pleasure of beeing able to go anywhere i'd like to.
But the main point is, that I don't think humans can handle freedom. We want to be caged, because the limitless possibilities of life can be so disturbing, so confusing. It is good to know, that we don't have that many options, because our poor little minds would be overwhelmed by it.

Donnerstag, 4. September 2008

+++Sick and tired

+++I am sick and tired of beeing single. Yeah, it was fun. Haha. Good joke. Can I have that fluffy-easy life of having a relationship back? Can't everything be easy and fun again?
Seriously, it is pissing me off. All the nice girls are either taken or lesbians. All of them. Yeah, I am not patient. I know. Who cares? I think after all the sacrifices I made for my last relationship I deserve a new one.

Whatever. I am just another emo bitch.

Mittwoch, 3. September 2008

+++similarity

+++It is funny how similar our skin is to our soul. If we get hurt, it leaves a scar, that does not heal off anymore completely. And sometimes, during the process of healing the wound itches and we have to scratch it, break the skin open again and feel the pain of the injury once more.

Dienstag, 2. September 2008

+++A study on mankind

+++Since I am not going to school in Burgdorf anymore and have to use the train every morning I am kind of forced to be together with a lot of humans on close space.
Also, this way I get out of the flower-power-world in Burgdorf. I see people eating out of trash cans, sleeping in their own urine... all on my way to school and back.
I see the lemming-like work-zombies standing first line on the train stations. Imagine, a mass-panic breaks loose while the train is approaching. A hundred bloody suits on the railroad. Chaos. Just imagine the mess.
Woah.

But that's not all. By the job I used to have (I quit for self-explanatary reasons) I got the chance to study my fellow homo-sapiens. I used to work as a calling agent, making surveys over the phone, as you can imagine, not the most pleasent job.
Anyhow, I spoke to a lot of people this way. At all I am guessing about 250 or so.
I was amazed and surprised by the collected stupidity I was facing. But I forgot the great examples I wanted to write about. So... uhm... how about some entertainment?



This was it and nothing more.

Dienstag, 26. August 2008

+++Summer is over, admit it.

+++Summer here in Lower Saxony comes to it's end.
I could say, that we had a lot of nice days, but actually, even I think we had too much rain now.
But that was allright, because I was at two festivals.
Wacken Open Air and Summerbreeze.
It is of unfortunate fate, that I can not reassemble my memories in order to interest and inform you at the same time. Furthermore I shall speak of my new school.

Now I am going to the Riccarda-Huch-Schule in Hanover. And, so far I like it.

...

You thought, there would be more, didnt you?
I am sorry, but I am already pretty worn down from all that new stuff coming together.
I am making a lot of new friends right now, working on a lot of new projects, I am working... and there still is homework and stuff like that.
Geez. Its gonna take me a little to get used to it again.

Okidoki, just wanted you all to be back on track regarding my life.
See you, or not.

Samstag, 23. August 2008

+++I should

+++Blog. And I will. I promise. Soon, very soon...

Sonntag, 10. August 2008

+++Eine Geschichte.

+++Please Note: Due to different reasons there wont be an English version of this text. Thanks for your coorperation. Please visit again soon and if you did not yet do so, take a look at the poll at the very bottom of the page. Thank you.

Desinteresse

Desinteresse. Desinteresse hatte irgendwo mitgespielt in dieser Ereigniskette. Eigentlich an mehreren Stellen hatte Desinteresse dafür gesorgt, oder es begünstigt, dass es letzten Endes so kam, wie es kam.
Zuerst war da Desirees Desinteresse an mir. Es folgte meines, an der Tatsache, dass ich für sie absolut belanglos war.
Der nächste Fall mangelnden Interesses kam von unseren Freunden, die mich ob dieser Situation auslachten und sich nicht für meine Gefühle interessierten.
Dann waren da die, denen mein Gesuch nach Mitleid oder wenigstens Verständnis egal waren.
Auch meine Eltern interessierten sich nicht dafür, nur dafür, dass meine Noten schlechter wurden durch die emotionale Last, die auf mir lag.
Daraus resultierte dann mein Desinteresse an ihren Weisungen, was diese Lage nicht unbedingt verbesserte.
Als dann auch der letzte Mensch das Interesse an meinem Wohlbefinden verlor, verlor ich meines an jeglicher menschlicher Ethik und Richtlinien.
Der interessanteste Fall von Desinteresse war das Desirees Mutter an der Tatsache, dass ich ein Messer schleifte, als sie die Tür beantwortete. Scheinbar war sie beschäftigt. Sie drehte sich nicht einmal um, als frisch geschärfter Damaszenerstahl durch Nerven, Adern, Muskeln und – das fand ich besonders interessant – Knochen schnitt und ihr sauber den Kopf ab trennte.
Desiree selbst war so wenig an mir interessiert, dass sie nicht einmal aufsah, als ich vor ihr Stand, mit dem Spalthammer aus dem Schuppen ihres Vaters.


-Nny

Donnerstag, 7. August 2008

+++Poll

+++Check out the VERY BOTTOM of this blog.

Donnerstag, 24. Juli 2008

+++I could not help...

+++...but post this video. Because it is AMAZING. And the song is, too. Also the band. But hey, it's tool. They are always amazing.

Dienstag, 22. Juli 2008

+++I should

+++stop blogging. Whenever I blog, I am in a bad mood and all I do is complain and whine.
I should stop. For a long time at least.

Freitag, 18. Juli 2008

Donnerstag, 17. Juli 2008

Montag, 14. Juli 2008

+++So much to tell...

+++Well well, there have been things, that have not been said, stories, that are yet to be told.
For one, I met with my „band“, „Arbitrary Reasoning“ on Friday. I use quotation marks, because they are cool and because at this point we are only three people: Leif (drums), David (Guitar) and me (Vocals, harmonica, stage bitch).
Because Leif lives in Hanover and we planned to practice in his house David and I met at the train station in Burgdorf. He greeted me with the words “do you have some money on you?”.
I opened my wallet and found some pennies, adding up to 2€ and somewhat like 1$, that I still had from America.
“Why?”, I asked.
“Well,” he replied “I just found out that my student card has no value during the holidays. But I have a ticket for one zone, that should bring me to Lehrte.”
So we entered the train, not knowing if those two bucks would be enough to buy him a ticket for the rest of the way (I already had my ticket).
So after a way too short while during which we debated how to solve this problem we arrived in Lehrte. Now, let me say some things about Lehrte. With me and my folks in Burgdorf, Lehrte is only known as “Zombiestadt” - “Zombie town”, because only the most rotten and fucked up people enter or leave the train there. Plus the train station is absolutely rotten itself. So is the entire town. And there is nothing that would give someone an excuse to live there. Just like Britain.
Anyhow, we left the train and went down the stairs, looking for a ticket vending machine. Confusing signs with only pictures but no words on them mislead us around a little so we ended up at a counter of the Deutsche Bahn (the federal train company), waiting 15 minutes on a women to get done with her business, because she was talking to the guy on the counter about how she always wanted to go to Budapest and was now able to because of the ticket she just purchased. Yeah. Uhuh. Whatever.
Anyhow, David got impatient (our train left some time while we were standing there) and began wandering around. He came back to me and told me, that he found a ticket vending machine somewhere in the tunnels under the train station. So we walked down there and entered “Hanover Karl-Wiechert-Allee”, which was our final destination.
It said 3.30€. We said: “crap”.
Well then we just bought a ticket for one zone, for 2€. But the machine did not take the 1 and 2 cent coins, which brought us to the situation, that we were 5 cents short and had to ask some random guy who walked by for 5 cents, offering him an American quarter dollar.
Well he gave us the 5 cents, we took the ticket and walked upstairs to the train station again and got the stamping machine to stamp the ticket. Unfortunately the zone ends right after Lehrte. So the ticket was absolutely worthless for us. In fear of controllers David just hid in the bathroom and I watched his guitar and his amp.
Yeah. What a magical freaking tale.
The Saturday following was not any less interesting. My drama group had a summer fest (last year I was there with Scott and Smeagol and Amelia). So we met for BBQ, but before that we were going to go on a guided tour through Burgdorf with an actor who played Wicken-Thies, a historical person from my hometown.
He was a foreteller and into all kinds of esoteric stuff. For example he saw the great fires coming. And they did. And he got beaten up for it, of course. Or he knew, that some day there would be cars without horses, moving on an incredible speed over the main street. He was right. Today, there are cars. Also he said, that only those, who could afford it would be able to ride them. With todays gas prices, even that was right.
Anyhow, later the BBQ started and of course the drinking started as well. Oliver, a nice guy in his... uhm... I think his forties always handed me a beer, when mine was empty. And he always did it with a smiling face, nodding at me. “Drink”, he said.
My tongue got loose and I began talking a lot, especially about Wacken, which I am going to attend soon. That was a bad idea. Because then I couldnt just say “hey, I dont wanna drink anymore”, because everyone said stuff like “well you survived Wacken, then you gotta be able to drink some more!”.
It was awful. I ended up back home, drunk as hell, lying on the grass, watching the stars, listening to Pink Floyd and Alice Cooper. Woah.
Well the next morning I got kicked out of bed at 7, which I disliked. We drove up north to my grandma, which I disliked even more, because I am usually not good with old people (neither am I good with very young people, must be because of their similarities) and because I don't like sleeping in the car. Also I had the feeling that I didn't shower for a week or so. Something always kept me from it and if it is just the fact, that I have to sit to wash my hair.
Grandma was in a real good condition, at least in my eyes and it was fun to talk to her and listen to the stories she makes up. The only thing that really was unpleasent were my parents, who couldnt just play and let it go. I mean, she is demented. She does not understand much anymore, so you just got to let her go. It reminded me a lot of Chief Bromden in “One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest”.
After that we drove to her house (she lives in an Old folks home, just about two or three miles from her house away) and threw out a lot of the furniture because we wanted to offer one of the rooms for rent, which was impossible with all that 50's crap in there.

Yeah, that's about it.

+++Things not to combine with...

+++ALCOHOL:
-razors
-sharp objects in general
-computers with Internet connection
-relationship problems
-frustration in general
-the lack of body hygiene and the will to change that
-nail polish
-serious discussions.

To be continued.

Samstag, 12. Juli 2008

+++only Alice Cooper understands me!

+++Alice Cooper - Is anyone home?

Talking in my sleep, next to no one
Never never, say never again
I can't rise and shine
No I won't even try
My rainy windows are crying crying
Shoulda Woulda Coulda been
Like it shoulda been
A contender like Marlon Brando
Eani Meani Minei Mo
Caught a virus won't let go
Been down so long it looks like up to me

I'm so lonely, I can almost taste it
In a perfect world, I'd just be wasted
Send me an angel, wrap me in her wings
Hello, Hello, Hello.
Is anyone home?

Well, people love to talk
When I can hardly walk
To them I'm probably just the "News at Eleven"
It's the edge of night
As the world turns
Misunderstood it's just the wrong medication
I wish, I wish, upon a star
I wish it hadn't gone this far
Been up so long it looks like down to me

I'm so lonely, I can almost taste it
In a perfect world, I'd just be wasted
Send me an angel, wrap me in her wings
Hello, Hello, Hello.
Is anyone home?
Hello, Hello.
I'm really really wasted

I live in a big doll house
And nobody's home
Just me and my mouse
I live in a big dark house
And nobody's home
Just me and my mouse

I'm so lonely, I can almost taste it
In a perfect world, I'd just be wasted
Send an angel, my own little angel
Hello, Hello.
Is anyone home?

Is anyone home?
Hello, Hello
Is anyone home?
Hello, Hello, Hello
Is anyone home?
Hello, Hello
Is anyone home?
Hello, Hello, Hello
Is anyone home?
Hello, Hello, Hello
Is anyone home?
Hello, Hello, Hello
Is anyone home?

Freitag, 11. Juli 2008

+++Nailbunny Talk

+++I need a bunny. And a nail. And a nice big amount of schizophrenia would help now, too. I don't know what's worse, that I can not sleep... again, or that Amelia and I are in what she calls a "break" in our relationship. Just two letters away from a break up.
My evil voices call it the final solution.
Maybe the worst thing is, that this town begins to seriously piss me off. It smells like moist cow poo and between 10pm and 6am there is absolutely nothing going on. I mean like nothing. Except for those few parties, that are only fun if you're drunk.
Which is not so much fun for me. Not at all.

+++Ich brauche einen Hasen. Und einen Nagel. Und übelste Schizophrenie würde jetzt auch helfen. Ich weiß nicht, was schlimmer ist, dass ich mal wieder nicht schlafen kann, oder dass Amelia und ich in einer von ihr "Beziehungspause" betitelten Phase sind. Ich kenne kein Päärchen, dass nach einer Pause wieder glücklich waren.
Meine bösen Stimmen nennen es nur die Endlösung.
Vielleicht ist aber auch das schlimmste, dass diese Stadt mich einfach nur noch ankotzt. Es riecht wie feuchter Kuhmist und zwischen 22 Uhr und 6 Uhr ist nichts los. Ich meine nichts. Aber auch gar nichts. Ausgenommen sind diese paar partys, die nur lustig sind, wenn man schon genug getrunken hat. Was ich nicht lustig finde. Absolut nicht.

This was it and nothing more.

Mittwoch, 2. Juli 2008

+++Initiative

+++What conveniance! I found a headline that is German and English at the same time.
So yeah, I am back home. For some days now. Things have happened in a way and speed, that it will take me some time to digest this week. Geez, if it goes on like this...
For example on sunday I got back together with Amelia. It was just as weird and as romantic as the first time we got together even though it is different this time. Both of us had more or less successful relationships in between, bringing me in a situation where I feel inferior, because of my pathetic lack of experience compared to her. This time didn't do any good to her, she began smoking, lost a lot of weight... did it change me at all? Am I the same guy, still giving everything?
Do I still WANT to give all I got to make this work?
There is something, that bothers me, but I can't put the finger on it. Like a splinter in my gums, painfull, annoying, but I just can't get it out.

Furthermore, I have been preparing myself for everything that comes next. School, work, everything. Of course, you can never be prepared for life. But I at least wanted to give it a shot.

+++Wie schön es doch ist, dass ich eine Überschrift finden konnte, die sowohl deutsch als auch englisch ist.
Tja, ich bin wieder zuhause. Und das auch schon für ein paar Tage. Ein paar Dinge sind mittlerweile passiert, auf einer Art und in einer Geschwindigkeit, dass es mich eine Weile brauchen wird, diese Woche zu verdauen. Oh mann, wenn das so weiter geht...
Zum Beispiel bin ich seit Sonntag wieder mit Amelia zusammen. Es war genau so merkwürdig und romantisch wie beim ersten Mal, als wir zusammen gekommen sind, auch wenn es diesmal ganz anders ist. Wir hatten beide mehr oder weniger erfolgreiche Beziehungen in der Zwischenzeit, was mich in eine Situation bringt, in der ich mich ihr gegenüber unterlegen fühle, weil sie einfach diesen Krassen Erfahrungsvorsprung hat. Diese Zeit hat ihr nicht gut getan, sie hat das Rauchen angefangen, hat jede Menge Gewicht verloren... hat es mich denn überhaupt verändert? Bin ich immernoch der selbe Typ, gebe ich immer noch alles? Werde ich immer noch alles tun, damit das funktioniert? WILL ich das überhaupt noch?
Irgendetwas stört mich, aber ich kann nicht genau sagen, was. Wie ein Splitter in meinem Zahnfleisch, schmerzhaft, nervend, aber ich kriege ihn einfach nicht heraus.

Desweiteren versuche ich mich weitestgehend auf alles, was jetzt kommt vor zu bereiten. Schule, Arbeit, alles. Natürlich kann man sich nicht aufs Leben vorbereiten. Aber ich wollte es wenigstens versuchen.

This was it and nothing more.

Samstag, 28. Juni 2008

+++R3boot.

+++Well... I am home. No, wait. I am at the place, where I spent the first 17 years of my life. It doesnt feel "home" at all. It feels like waking up from a fever dream, still beeing totally disoriented from the fever...

The flight was, except for little distractions, an easy and boring event, only interesting thing was Eren, who made me laugh so much, that I had to cry.

Uhm.

Yeah. Thats it. Im gonna go get used to the environment now.

That was it and nothing more.

Donnerstag, 26. Juni 2008

+++Gentlemen, get on your marks!

+++Surprisingly I am able to eat right now. And I did eat, a lot. On the other hand I can not sleep. But that's allright, I want to sleep on the plane anyways and I can adjust easier to the other time zone that way!
It is freaking hot right now. And still, I will have to wear my parka and my boots tomorrow, just like on the way here, because there was no way I could possibly fit either one of them into my suitcases.

Things got wrapped up pretty quickly these days.
On wednesday there was this good-bye-party thing from church where everyone said how much I inspired them. Casey for example will learn German for my sake and started doing calligraphy, after seeing me do it.
And everyone asked me to come back some day, that made up pretty much for tuesday, I guess.
Today, or more yesterday, for it is after 12, we went to El Grecco, the restaurant where we ate the very first day to close the circle-sort of speak.

I wish I had a good book that I could read now to make me tired, but all my books are in suitcases and I am afraid to open them, because I dont know if I would be able to close them again. Also I can not really open them either... scary.

Anyhow, it is just 8h 30min until my plane leaves Milwaukee. Holy crap, that is just way too fast.
It all feels just like a fever-dream, somewhat real but with this terrifying element of weirdness, complete with the fast-forward thing going on.
Today was absolutely surreal. I felt like I just got here, like I was tired, because I just got off the plane. So odd.

Interesting thing is, that I made it to have contact to Scott again. Not much, not often, but he responds to stuff I write him again. That is a little victory, I guess.


How to go on with this blog though? My plan for now is that I will blog bilingual, once I am fluent in German again... well it's not like my German is horrible, but it doesn't satisfy me at this point.

Well guys, it's all been fun and games, until someone lost their German...


That was it and nothing more.
Nevermore.

Dienstag, 24. Juni 2008

+++It's not like I am leaving or anything...

+++... wait. Yes, it is!
Hey, that's funny. You know, today is my birthday? You didn't? Doesn't matter. It's only my 18th, only the date that I turn into an official adult. But who gives a shit, right?

I invited a bunch of people to see me at applebee's and a big deal of em replied, that they would come. Matthew was the only one. Thanks, fuckers, for telling me so directly that I am not worth shit to you.
Well, at least I don't have to bother missing anyone.
Funny how people beg me, never to forget them. Okay, can do. But in that case I also wont forgive. Hypocrites.

That was it and nothing more
Nevermore.

Montag, 23. Juni 2008

+++Packed.

+++Im packed with emotions and I don't know what to do with them. My bags are packed and everything fits, even with my sloppy packing style. I am surprised.
Well not so much, because I am leaving a lot of stuff behind, which makes me wonder, why did I bring it in the first place?!
But that's nobodies fault. Mom.

Jason pisses me off a lot right now. He is just menstruating around, calling me a pussy, because I don't want to go streaking with him.
I think therefore I am not going to go to the bonfire tonight. Maybe I am just going to do something with someone else. Or just sleep. I could use that. I could use a lot of things. For example someone, who does not go on my nerves right now. Margaret is a clean-nazi right now. Keith is just not there and when he is he seems kinda... distant, Abigail is just getting the first boosts of pubertic-testosterone and has her issues...

I have now spent half-day in bed. Right now I don't have any reason to change anything about it. Well I probably should shower, last week-end I was unable to shave and I have to do that too.

Why I was unable to shave? That's easy.
We were down in Missouri with Keith's parents for their 50th anniversary. I was forbidden to have political or religious debates, for the simple reason that that would have caused a riot. I really had to bite my tongue, especially when it came to homosexuals or the war.
But hey, what do I know, I am just the foreigner. Just smile, nod and say "hey, how are you?", when they introduce you to someone. Yeah, I am 6'5''. Yeah, I speak English better than some native speakers. Yeah, we speek German in Germany. No, Hitler really is dead.

On the way back (10 hour drive) we passed towns, that had names, which alone were explanation why nobody wanted to live there. But we also passed towns like "Sparta" and "Salem" or huge rocks, that looked like remainders of ancient civilations, so old that no man would recognize, that intelligent beeings could have build them.

The elder ones have been here, with their cone-shaped bodies and their claws and their clicking noises...

Well thats about it.
I am going on my own nerves right now. I need someone to talk to that is not myself and does not annoy me.
Someone.

This was it and nothing more
Me

Mittwoch, 18. Juni 2008

+++IMPORTANT!

+++BEHOLD!
I will arrive on June 28 10:35 AM at the Hanover airport. Whoever wants to welcome me and see me half-dead sinking into the arms of my beloved home-country, may do so. I expect a lot of people, but would not be too disappointed if no one came. Well at least my family should be there, otherwise I'd be F*ed.

See you then!

Dienstag, 17. Juni 2008

+++Im spooked.

+++My head is aching. My stomache is revolving. I feel dizzy. You wonder why? You want to know why? I got a letter from YFU. Travel information and my tickets. It's official. I'm leaving.
I'm leaving everything behind. Dang, that's just... woah. I've just read through it, bringing up memories from my flight here up. Ugh. I feel horrible. All that excitement kills me, just like at that weird Thursday that was determined to change my life forever. Was it a thursday? Yes, I remember it was. I remember so much, like how I was trying to throw up in Heeßel, but couldn't, or how nervous everyone was. I was so pale. And I remember chocolate. Lots of it. I ate it all on the transatlantic flight, because I had been unable to eat. Hopefully this time it wont be as bad.

But still, I'm spooked.

Sonntag, 15. Juni 2008

+++Indestructible Opiate

+++Well today yesterday friday I went to Best Buy and bought two albums. Indestructible by Disturbed and Opiate by Tool, completing my Tool collection.

Indestructible begins pretty nice with sirens and gunfire, followed by hard riffs and drums, the singer apparently made some progress, he doesnt sound the same. But after listening through it I have to say: it is ten thousand fists 2.
Nothing new and all songs sound the same. Bleh.

Opiate on the other hand is very funny. Even though there are only few songs on it it is just very amusing to hear what Tool started up with. It is more straight to your face metal with clear understood messages. Nice! I like!

Thats about it. I'm very busy beeing on stage lately for Vacation Bible School. Yeah, laugh at me, uuuh, I am doing something christian. Whatever, I just want to be on stage again and bath in cheers and claps and feel the incredible amount of adrenaline!
YEAH!

Greetings,
me

Dienstag, 10. Juni 2008

+++Out of words.

+++Wow. I am sitting here with so many tears stuffed in my skull that it is about to burst. I would love to crack open my ribcage and rip out my heart, that is now swollen with emotions, so overwhelming, that I can't even find a word for it.
Where to start? Where to begin?
Ouf... I'm gonna try it with a song first.
Here you go.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=SmVAWKfJ4Go

Can't embed it. Just go to the page.
Okay. Today was graduation. I got a certificate of completion, since I am not a senior. It was just like you see it in the movies, people with squared hats, throwing them high, bands, certificates, gratulations... etc.
After all the exchange students (including myself) were honored as well, just for beeing there. Wow. However, at the end of the ceremony we went to the gym, in which there was a buffet.
I said good bye. I hate doing that. I have been an emotional bulldozer. Shit. I wont see most of those people EVER again.
This feeling absolutely kills me.
I could cry.
I should cry.







By the way, the Marilyn Manson autobiography is absolutely awesome. As offensive as his songs but funny and interesting. Great prose.

Samstag, 7. Juni 2008

+++Sirens.

+++I must say, Tornado sirens do sound cool. Lately Wisconsin shows me all it's got. Rain, Thunder, Tornado-Warnings.
Awesome.
And it looks amazing. Just check this out:


Yeah. Woow!
And school's almost over now. That makes me happy. Tomorrow I wanna go to Pridefest. That will rule!
Greetings,
Me

Montag, 2. Juni 2008

+++Epic Fail!

+++http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b9O79GSxyns
part one
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3jc_NFbPys
part two

Enjoy.

Sonntag, 1. Juni 2008

+++Arbitrary Reasoning

+++Today I made a mistake. A very bad one. I argued with two boys, who are about to join the army, to "defend their country" about the justification of the Iraq war and about the possibility, that 9/11 could have been an inside job.
Never, Never EVER do that, when you are in America. Blind, ignorant fanatics.

This brought me to some solutions.
First of all: there is no truth. There are circumstances, wrapped in words, that can mean anything at any time, regarding rethorics, lies and personal interpretation.
Basically no one ever tells the truth but no one ever lies, because in the end words are nothing but a vibration of air molecules caused by your throat. Lies are a matter of definition and so is truth.
All that matters is the meaning, but as I stated earlier, no one but the speaking person can really tell the true meaning. Everything else is interpretation.

Second of all: There is no reasoning in mankind.
Arbitrary reasoning, decisions, made up from things we heard from... someone. Somewhere. Reliable sources, you know? That one guy told me. Forgot his name. His face. His words.
Religious people take a book and justify things with it that it never said and ignore parts it DID say because they are inconveniant. In the end it is not a reliable source, right? It's written by men. But it's god's word, right?
Basing god on the bible and the bible on god but still not believing it fully and not taking it literary makes it unreliable and therefore unbelievable. Hypocrites.
Religion is not a flea market. You want a little more of this? Yes, of course, but without rules, please.
Leave the onions out.
But to get back to my poitn: there is no reasoning in mankind. We are animals. Nothing but animals.
Eat, drink, fuck, shit, sleep, repeat. Every generation says, that the following one is worse than the one before, just because they recognize their own childhood in the new generation.
Shit, someone is doing the same mistakes. Let us pretend we never did that and tell them, how awful they are for doing this.
Bunch of crap.

Third of all: This generation should be the last. Let's just sterilize every single one of us. Don't make any exceptions.
We're screwed anyways, so why bother having children anyways? More fun, more sex, more food, more drugs, more rock'n'roll. In your face, today with money back guarantee!
This generation is not even responsible enough for EVER having children. Still they breed like rabbits, because of their lack of responsibility.
Wait, let me take back what I said about how the last generation always hates the next one. This time it is allright. This generation sucks. A lot.

Fourth of all: There never was an age of reasoning. Otherwise there would be no religion today anymore or the existence of some sort of god would have been proven by now.
Yeah, we can identify the genes of a women now. Hooray. We can go to moon and mars. Big deal.
But still when someone sees a meteor falling from the sky they freak out and say it's god or a UFO or some other crap like that.
Religion is opiate for the people, something to hold on to because we ourselves feel too weak and to small to archieve things on our own.
Atheists still don't get struck by lightning, can live a happy life. Funny thing.
But I am not demonizing religion. Actually really not.
Why not? Well if it wasnt for religion this species would have already completly died out.
Why? Well I mentioned it earlier.

By the way, the next band I join shall be called "Arbitrary Resoning". Because it sounds cool and has a very nifty meaning to it.
Greetings
Me.

Freitag, 30. Mai 2008

+++Failuuurrre!

+++So well, Baseball season is over and we blew the first off-season game, so there wont be any other. This means: Baseball is over. At least for now.
It is quite possible, that I will start it in Germany again, with the Hänigsen Farmers.
Yeah! Kick Ass!
Anyhow, today was pointless. We are in the last week of school and I can feel it. It is so absolutely pointless now, nothing happens. Nothing. Like, dude, why the hell am I here?
But whatever. Today I got honored together with about 100 other students for having good grades. Yeah. They honor us for doing what were supposed to do... uhm. Awright.

The weather is killing me. It's humid, hot, humid and sometimes it rains. Urk. Global warming is pretty much butt-sexing the planet. Yeah. Thanks Al Gore for not beeing convincing enough.
Duche.
´
Whatever.

Oh by the way, if you think the last entry was about Amelia: you are wrong. It is not.
Otherwise it would have been in German, right?

Thats about it, just wanting to let you know I am still alive.
Greetings
Me

Donnerstag, 29. Mai 2008

+++Lichtblick. (Scroll down, if you don't understand this for the translation.)

Schandmaul - Lichtblick

Ich schritt auf verschlungen Pfaden
durch den großen, dichten Wald
ich hatte schwere Last zu tragen
und der Tag war bitterkalt.
Düster auch der Sinne wegen
einsam war mein junges Herz
denn daheim war keine Liebste
die da lindert meinen Schmerz.

Da plötzlich an verborgner Kreuzung
eilt sie wie der Wind vorbei.
Ein Lichtblick einer Schönheit, zart das Wesen, weiß das Kleid.

Seitdem komm' ich Tag für Tag,
hoffe, sie erneut zu sehen,
sie zu treffen, sie zu küssen,
doch ich hätt es wissen müssen.

Es war nur der Moment,
der Augenblick
dann war's vorbei
Ich ließ sie ziehen
und ich werde sie nie wieder seh'n.

Nur der Moment, ...(x2)

So wallend lang das schwarze Haar
so süß und weiß, so rein die Haut
ein Anblick, der mich schaudernd lässt
mein Herz schlägt wild, mein Herz schlägt laut
vom Schlag gerührt mit offnem Mund,
sprachlos mit ganz weichen Knien
die Last am Rücken wird so leicht, wie die Wolken, die da zieh'n.

Doch nur ein Augenblick, sie ist vorbei und meinem Blick entschwunden
bin gelähmt, kann mich nicht rühr'n, bin wie am Boden festgebunden.

Seitdem komm' ich tag für Tag,
hoffe sie erneut zu seh'n,
sie zu treffen, sie zu küssen, doch ich hätt' es wissen müssen

Es war nur der Moment,...(x3)

(Solo!)

Es war nur der Moment,...(x2)

ENGLISH TRANSLATION:

I walked on interlaced paths
through the big, thick forest
I had heavy loads to carry
and the day was bitterly could.
Dark also because of my senses
lonesome was my young heart
because at home was no darling
that could cure my pain.

There out of sudden at the hidden cross-ways
she passed like the wind
A blink of light, of beauty; soft her beeing, white her dress.

Ever since I come day for day
hope to see her again
to meet her, to kiss her,
but I should have known

It was just that moment
just the blink of an eye
then it was over
I let her go
and I wont see her again.

Just that moment... (x2)

So undulating long the black hair,
so sweet, so soft, so clear the skin,
a sight that makes me shiver
my heart beats wild, my heart beats loud
hit by a stroke with open mouth,
speechless with soft knees
the load becomes as light as the clouds that travel.

But just the blink of an eye and she is out of the view
I'm paralized, can't budge, am like tangled to the ground.

Since then I come every day
hope to see her again
to meet her, to kiss her,
but I should have known...

Just that moment...(x3)

(Solo)

Just that moment...(x2).


-------------------------------------------------------

You wonder. You are curious. Why? Why does he put this on here?
Well I came to think. I thought of what I did and what I really wanted all the time and that I was foolish. Forgive me, for I did not know what I was doing.
Forgive me my lack of self-control, my awkwardness.
Forgive me for just watching you as you passed me like the wind.
You know what I mean.
And if you don't, then this message is probably not for you. Or you disappoint me.

Freitag, 23. Mai 2008

+++On my mind

+++Chucks shuffle over grass. Combichrist in my ears. It is cold. My long leg hairs stand up. It is cold. So cold that i no longer shiver, I spasm. I put everything out of my hands because my arms jerk around too much.
Im tired and therefore my brain seperates reality into little pieces, small enough to digest.
Yellow streetlights fill the air with a feeling of city, of suburbs, of dead concrete.
I don't exactly know, why I am out here, in bathcoat, shorts and shirt with Chucks on my shoes, climbing on the playground stuff until I stand on top like some creature that just crawled out of it's hole and now enjoys it's first steps into the human world.
If anyone saw me they would freak out, arms out of control, the lips torn to a grim smile, the eyes wide open to see anything in the darkness...
German sentences pop out of nowhere into my mind.
"Was wäre wenn?".
Things I could live without: being tired. Being unconcentrated. Repeating myself.

Donnerstag, 22. Mai 2008

+++Racist Red Cross!


+++Yesterday was very exciting. So exciting that I HAVE to blog. Even cleaned up my room so I could go on Blogspot.
It began pretty light with a TV on the sidewalk, that reminded me awfully much of that Engelhai Video. IT was just lying there. Totally random.
However, that was not the only event on that day to AMAZE!
So BEHOLD! And let me tell the story!
Hey you there, stop jumping around! I am talking! You can go to the restroom later!

So yeah. Were was I?
Right. Wednesday.
It was the 21st, for those who forgot.
It was also day of the BLOOD DRIVE! ("Pray for blood!") I signed up willingly to give what I have. Yeah.
Bad news everybody, since I lived in Europe for more than five years from 1980 'til now they wont take my blood. Mad Cow disease they say. They are the mad ones, I say.
Well allright then, I'll keep my superior German blood. Pff.
Fine. Anyways, I also volunteered. Well, not so much. I basically spent all day taking pictures.
Whatever.
The rest of the day was mediocre, I skipped precalc (It is just annoying now, we watch videos and take tests on notes of ridiculous stuff like the exact problem that they are dealing with in it...). But then, but then. BASEBALL GAME. Against Vincent.
For those to whom Vincent High School is not a common term: it is the most ghetto school of entire Milwaukee. People have sex under the staircases. People deal and DO drugs IN SCHOOL.
Just to name a few things going on there on a regular basis.
Well to sum it up: their baseball team is as bad as their students. Or at least that's what we thought which is why I got to play from the beginning.
Yes. I played right field and 9th in the batting order.

Now let me tell you a little bit about batting. It is considered the most exciting and most difficult thing you can do in sport. You have to hit little round thing that is moving on high speed with another round thing, but only if that little round thing is in the right area and not about to hit you, which by the way hurts like a bitch.

Well there you stand. Nervous, your team counts on you!
All you concentrate on is the ball. The pitcher looks around, spits on the grass, takes the ball up and throws it. It is up to you to judge if it is in the area and therefore a strike or not.
If it is not: DO NOT BUDGE!
If it is: HIT IT WITH ALL YOU GOT!
If you don't, that will suck.
A lot.
Believe me.

Playing field on the other hand is a nice and easy job, especially outfield. It is a little more running than infield but less to do. Just catch the long balls.
I did that. Catching a long ball. Yeah. Quite awesome, ain't I?

That was it so far.
Yeah.
Greetings
Me

Dienstag, 6. Mai 2008

+++Wait a second...

+++African Americans can make metal?
Yes they can.
Here you go:

Sonntag, 4. Mai 2008

+++Not much longer.

+++The day of the master's return is near. Not very long anymore, until he will rise and reign again amongst those, who proof worthy. The other ones will perish under his mighty hands and the unspeakable powers he achieved through eternity of rest.
I'a the great one and his justice! I'a Nyarlathothep for keeping me sane, knowing that, what I tell the world.
For when the old, dead town rises through him and with him there is no sanity left, nothing one's mind may hold on to.
You will see the moon rise to full strength only two times and the sun fall for only 54 times until your eyes will spot him.

Right now contacting me might prove difficult for Jason has angered the elder one's with unspeakable crimes and they have been unsatisfied with the discipline of us other two.
Other than that there is not much to report.
Greetings,
Me.

Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn.

Samstag, 26. April 2008

+++II

+++Comic #2 http://bademantelfreak.deviantart.com/art/Comic-two-82780820

First of all today is someone's birthday, but I don't know if that person wants me to publish it.
So I'm just gonna say "Happy Birthday". But not to whom.
Also it is the anniversary of the Erfurt-school-shooting 2002 and the Tchernobyl accident.
Remember remember.
Unfortunately it's not november, otherwise I could use the rhyme from V for Vendetta.
It's just way too cool.

Yeah. I'm gonna go and see "21" today. sounds like a good movie to me.
Hmhm. Yeah.
Im kinda out of ideas right now.
Yeah.
So then
Me

Freitag, 25. April 2008

+++Day of silence.

+++... .
-_-.

Sonntag, 20. April 2008

+++One of these days, you know, full of GERMANS!

+++Where do I begin? What do I start with? There was so much, but so little. Nothing at all but it can mean the whole world to me. Or to you, or to anyone who wants to put meaning into it.
It's all a matter of perspective and interpretation.
It all began on thursday, when Ms Oppe, our second Counselor told me that they would need volunteers for the dinner and auction fundraiser for the German immersion program.
I said yes, knowing that this would take away a good part of my saturday, but regarding the fact that I was promised 30$ and FREE PIZZA, I said yes. I mean come on! FREE PIZZA? What else do you want?
On Friday there was another game, another one that we lost. So far we won ONE of 4 games, but we won it 14 to 0. Hah. Take that, Cardinals!

Well saturday came as always quicker than expected and caught me with my pants down, sitting on the toilet.
No, just kidding. I was prepared, had my hair straightened myself (and it even looked pretty decent, I am getting better!) and whore clothes that did not look too much like "hey guys, I'm gonna go kill some zombies/go on a concert", because Ms Oppe told me before that I was supposed to (and I QUOTE her!) "just don't wear your jeans. Its gonna be allright".
Well I arrived in my black pants and a black long-sleeve plus black hoodie (*gasp* just like Johnny Cash!) and was stunned. Everyone was wearing the BEST that they could have possibly found in their dressers.
Dangit.
Well okay. I was a bit early, it was a pretty fancy hotel down on brown deer, and I walked around a little, until the other two volunteers arrived. Sebastian (another German exchange student at MSL) and Danielle.
Let me say a few words about this particular Danielle. She is the third Danielle that I meet over here, she goes to MSL for a week now and she looks like a perfect copy of Anne P. and she is simply amazing!
I mean woah! Just so energetic and really really funny.
Yeah. She studies German at MSL (which is probably why she was there) and we had some really funny conversations in German (hers is really good) and with Mr. Willkommen and that new Intern from Switzerland.
The rest of the day we spent writing numbers, sorting lists and handing out things to those, who bought something at the auction. Really great except for ONE single fact: I did not eat between 1pm and 11pm.
You can imagine, I was HUNGRY.
I mean WOAH. HUNGER! CAN'T HEAR ME SPEAKING? PROBABLY BECAUSE MY STOMACH IS TOO LOUD!
Yeah. So I went to Ms Oppe not only to tell her that I felt betrayed for not knowing that I was supposed to dress as casual as possible, but also because I did not get my pizza.
Moan.
Well then we went to Denny's (actually a really neat place...) and had some really great conversations, the four of us. And I bought a picture at the auction... just don't know what to do with it now... I mean I can take it home, but what then? Probably looks good in Boltenhagen, or when I move out or something....
Yeah, I could replace the Star Trek posters I suppose...
whatever.
Greetings
Me

Donnerstag, 17. April 2008

+++Sage nein!

+++
Stolen from Sören's blog.

+++The last lecture

+++

Woah. This is just amazing. Woah.

Sonntag, 13. April 2008

+++Because every douchebag can make a webcomic.

+++Behold!
http://bademantelfreak.deviantart.com/art/Comic-one-82780682
Yeah. I have a webcomic now. Hah!
Bye.
(May include mature content)

Samstag, 12. April 2008

+++MANstruation

+++Today I am MANstruating. You ask me, how is that possible for me, as a man. Well it is just my special day of the month were I am just pissed for no reason, have a huge headache and don't want to do anything. Well at least I am not bleeding or have pain elsewhere.
Anyhow I am also really tired for a week now or so.
Plus I begin to have nightmares again. Not like waking up screaming, but more like "woah, that was... odd!".
For example I dream alot of being naked and unable to dress.
Or I dream of water, flooding water, taking everything with it, of winds so cold and hard that they blow off the flesh and skin of everyone's skeleton.
Today everything is gray, everything is distant. Even the weather seems to be unwilling to do anything, some raindrops fall and the sun is hidden behind thin clouds. You can see it, and you can look directly at it but it doesnt burn you. It looks so surreal.
It is in moments like now, when I am really tired that I realize most about my environment but I am absolutely incapable of interacting with it.
All those little details... or maybe it is just that I can not remember noticing something and all that remains is the feeling of "hey, I noticed that".
Some time ago I used to enjoy being tired or I more didn't care.
Today I hate beeing tired. Especially today. I can't tell dreams from memories anymore. I don't know, what really happened, especially since so many memories seem so totally unrelated to my life. Did anything ever exist?
Does anything exist outside of the house I am sitting in all day now?
Does anything exist?
I dont know.
Im gonna go now again, until I remember what I wanted to say. Im gonna put up a webcomic I made.
So far
Me.